The Boston Marathon

What a morning. I just sat and watched my brother complete the 111th Boston Marathon in the worst weather conditions since 1977. He finished in 3 hours 10 minutes and 44 seconds. It wasn't his best marathon finish but it was phenominal none the less. The conditions were horrible today for an outside run ... temperatures in the 30's ... and very windy. As I sat and watched everyone finishing ... scanning the crowds looking for my brother ... I was struck dumb at the literal force of will that those runners displayed.

I can't fathom running 26.2 miles ... not even for the life of someone I love. I know that I simply physically could not do it. I don't know that I have ever worked that hard ... with that amount of determination for anything in my life. It humbles me enormously. It also shames me in a way.

I have given up more goals than I have ever achieved in my life. Yet I watched my brother at 41 years old finish 1978th overall. He was the 1857th male to finish the race. And he was 487th in his age group in his third EVER marathon. I don't even think I can fathom the depth of committment that it takes to force yourself to keep running inspite of every rebelling fiber in your body. I don't think that I can wrap my mind around what that takes ... I know I can't. And it makes me look at myself with some measure of disgust.

How easily I give up and I've never been asked to do anything so phenominal as a 26.2 mile race in under 3 hours or 4 hours or 5 hours or any other number. I don't even know how long it would take me to even WALK that far. Way too long for sure.

I am struck with my laziness today. With my lack of inner drive ... my lack of will and determination. I without fail give up long before it hurts to the degree that those runners must have hurt today. How can I ever think that I could do or be someone special or significant in this world. I am too easily defeated. I don't even know how to find inner resolve. I am like a dog returning to my vomit on my best day.

20, 614 people started the Boston Marathon this morning. 4,577 men ran in my brother's age group. He finished 487th. I am so proud of him! I don't think I've ever done anything that has made someone else proud. What an eyeopener!