Friday, April 27, 2007

Please watch

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Repost due to traffic! :)




I scrounged around and found a bunch of reject pictures that no one managed to steal from me in my active days as -clique paparazzi- and spent the better part of a day scanning and uploading these ... hopefully they will bless ya'll as they did RJ and I while we worked on this. If there aren't many pictures of you it isn't because I don't love you dearly it's cause your pics were obviously the most sought after and you'll have to look around at the rest of the clique for the guilty party! ~grins~

I love ya'll! I have about 50 to 100 more pics to upload but I can't get to them tonight ... so stay tuned!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

litergical expressions to God

I have spent the morning reading various websites that you guys have included in your favorites and I have a question for ya'll ... just a curiousity but I'd appreciate your feedback ...

How important are litergical expressions in your relationship with God?

Most of us "cut our teeth" so to speak on a free style of worship and church that does not embrace much of litergical experience. There are times after having been raised in the Methodist church that I tend to disdain the repetitions and order of the service week after week as boring. HOWEVER, I also can see some of the point that under the guise of reaching out or being "seeker friendly" many churches that I know of or have attended today have completely thrown out any litergical experience as stilted or not giving a free flow to the Holy Spirit.

I believe that as times change so do some of God's methods but I have to wonder how the "great" protestant leaders of our past found there way to inspire the freedoms we have today without jammin or "moving" praise and worship and in the midst of a litergical order within the chruch every time they met. Are there keys ... or insights that we have thrown out in our "free style worship" that could teach us and comfort us today? I have to wonder as I consider all the various things I read this morning.

There was a time when I reveled in the "freedom" of the Spirit and loved a service that was so "God directed" that we never knew where it was going. Clearly a strict litergical formate, in my mind at least doesn't give much room for some serious corporate manifestion of the Spirit. I always have sort of discounted that approach as worshipping the order rather than the living God while I see alot of people who dismiss a free flowing service as worshipping the "experience" rather than our Lord and Savior, Jesus and our Father, God. So I am pondering now ... where do the two meet and is it wise to simply give ourselves over to format OR whatever goes?

I do find that I miss and long for the discipline of some sort of ritual or reverent approach to God. I find myself thinking wanting to wash and take off all of my jewlery before I go into an intense time of prayer or study. I find myself longing for some sort of differentiation in my time with God from the whole Jesus is my Buddy mentality. When I look at the old scriptures and some of the wording of the old Creeds ... I realize that I have so personalized God that I have lost some of the Old Testament awe and fear and trembling of an AWESOME GOD. I tend to look at my relationship with the Lord strictly on casual terms and I don't find myself wholly comfortable with that either. It sometimes feels like we have made God such an intimate Father that we have lost some of that reverence that makes us truly fall to our knees in awe and trembling of the Magnificence of God. Does anyone else know what I mean?

I don't feel that it's coming out well but perhaps I will develop a better way to express it later. I think there is something about waking up and reciting and creed and taking communion daily ... alone with God before I enter into my personal prayers that appeals to me. It feels respectful and I am finding a longing for that. There was a time when I would daily take communion and recite the Apostles Creed at the beginning of my prayer time ... I would sprinkle a few drops of annointing oil into the juice or wine and it was a very personal yet holy and reverent time. The soberness of the ceremony coupled with my personal prayer time reminded me of both God's intimacy with His people AND His own worthiness to be worshipped and respected.

Worship began out of a reverent and holy act TOWARDS God ... not for what we felt afterward or even during ... but as an act of awe and respect and adoration to our God. Sometimes it feels so ... casual now that maybe it does seem almost a bit profane. I realize we no longer need ritual or priests or sacrifices of animals to come to the Father ... but I do wonder if we don't approach the Lord a bit insultingly casual at times.

meh ...

Well ... still no rest for the weary. We didn't get off of work yesturday and I don't know at this point when we will. Definitely on the 8th of May but I was really hoping for a few days off this week.

I am tired. This morning I'm discouraged and kinda down. I'm having a hard time this morning and I hate it. I don't have any great spiritual words or anything very profound to say ... I'm just ... trying to ride out the waves and hold on!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Just rambling ...

So it looks like we might actually get some time off tommorrow ... I am trying not to get too excited because we don't know the particulars yet but ... I'm hopeful ... especially since the cats are in a full blown insurrection at the house ... they have taken over completely and I'm pretty sure they are about to demand a password before they let us back in!

Today I went over to visit them and work on some finances and I walked into a house blanketed with the lovely view of shredded papertowels that I had thoughtlessly left out over the weekend. Of course they also found some more pictures to chew on ... what IS it about cats and chewing on pictures? They also have unplugged all sorts of stuff from the back of our home computer and I tell you, I can't figure out WHERE in the world they are finding all of my old socks to pull out and drag around the house. Fortunately, Nicolai hasn't really gotten good and mad yet because the water tank/dish was still upright and normally he goes ahead and expresses his considerable displeasure by toppling that over onto the big food bowl, thereby obstructing everyone's eating schedule and ensuring they are all extra grumpy and giving me really annoyed looks when I go home! They miss us and we miss them so I am glad to have the prospect of going home for a few days. YAH!!!

Today Rich took his first jujitsu class and it was really neat ... of course I went and warmed a seat! (Hey, I'm doing my part here!) It was a cool place and his sensei seems like a really neat guy. He definitely seems to be strong in his faith and I really hope that turns out to be true. As much as I hate to say it ... I so don't want to meet another impressive younger man who seems to be all about the Lord but it turns out to be just words. I have had it with that ... surely there are Godly Pastors and men who are younger than 50 years old! ~soft laugh! What I mean to say is ... Juan was a man's man ... in every sense of the word and he really inspired the young men in our church ... but then ... well ... anyways ... I am hopeful but I realize that no one is perfect. He is a professing Christian and he wasn't ashamed to speak about it with Rich and I right away so I am trying to remember Johnny's statement from yesturday about taking people where they are at ... and not being too critical. I guess I just don't want another -leader- to burn us in some way.

Anyways ... the class was great and as I said, his sensei seemed cool. He asked me if I was going to join them and I was like ... "are you nuts!???" but He told Rich ... "We'll get her out here with us eventually!" ... I have to think ... THAT will be a MIRACLE! They were rolling around on the floor ... grappling and huffing and puffing and doing all this stuff and I'm thinking ... there's no way I could do that mess! ~laughing! At this point I'm just glad Rich is so happy and I am happy to be a cheerleader for now!

I am scheduled to get my new tatoo in about 10 days ... on the 3rd ... so if anyone is going to try to talk me out of it ... now's the time! I am getting a Japanese woman on my right thigh to go with my mermaid which is on my left. Yeah yeah ... not ya'll's thing ... I know ... but I'm excited about it. Well ... not the pain part ... BUT ... I am excited about the tat.

I think I'm going to get to see J & H when I go down to the beach in a few weeks to see my parents. Rich is flying up to see his mom and dad and I am not made for flight sooooo I'm going to the beach with my parents. My mom needs a lot more help with my daddy now that his alzheimer's is really kicking so I think she is really happy that I'm coming down. It gets stressful around them some now ... they are so much older and set in their ways ... it gets hard to have to always make sure we do things a certain way with them but ... in the end ... I am thankful for this time with my daddy so ... we just work hard not to stay up too late or do too much stuff that makes them nervous ... (like the computer -- go figure ~shrugs~). It's not easy seeing my daddy now ... it always makes me sad ... but I am glad too that I have a chance to love on him and sit and hang out with him ... which I didn't get much chance to do in times past.

Blah ... I'm just rambling tonight. Maybe because Rich is sitting here rubbing my back and it feels so good ... I just keep typing nonesense so he won't stop! ~grins~ I'll close for now ... we have a busy day tommorrow with team meetings and general staff in the morning soooo ... I reckon I need extra beauty sleep!

Love you guys!

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Amazing God ...

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and
You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and
You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and
You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

-Chris Tomlin

You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same ...

Tonight Exit Rite came to church to lead worship for the kids and they sang this song. It's not the first time I heard it but tonight when I heard that phrase ... You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same ... I broke down in tears. It just really hit me that nothing I've done has escaped my Father's gaze. Nothing I've felt in my heart has been a mystery or a suprise to Him ... AND HE LOVES ME THE SAME! He loves me the same then as He does now.

I don't mean to say that He approves of the sin in our lives but the fact (yes I've heard this a million times before but hearing it and realizing it are often two very different things) that He LOVES me the same ... regardless of where I am ... it astounds me.

The other day I was on the phone with Hoddie talking about a struggle I was having over how to let some things go and she prayed for me ... when she started praying Psalm 139 I was dumbstruck ... it was like I heard the words for the first time as she prayed them and I realized then too a glimpse of His message to me ...

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there ...

if I say surely the darkness will hide me and light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for the darkness is as light to you.

Yes I've heard it, I've read it, I've said it to other people but it's dawning on me now in a new way ... in a way that is humbling and comforting and astounding all at the same time.

He sees ... He has always seen ... and He loves me the same ... it's never changed ...

Friday, April 20, 2007

The 12

I can't even begin to express how beautiful it is to see everyone's words ... to feel connected again to people who I have loved for so long ... to see the commonness we share after years ... way way too many years of silence.

I am sitting here in tears as I think about how precious you guys are to me ... and how much your words daily or weekly lift my spirits ... challenge me ... give me hope ... give me courage ...

Jesus didn't travel alone though He was certainly a man alone in one sense. He traveled with his 12. Those who ate with Him, communed with Him, fellowshipped with Him, laughed with Him, and cried with Him. Such a powerful example of the importance of fellowship ... they traveled together with Him everywhere!

Why then is it so easy to buy the lies of independence. I am not speaking of individual relationships with God or with one's spouse. Of course those are first and primary, however I am speaking of the type of intimate fellowship that draws us in and on to great things in the Lord and in our lives. I have struggled so much this week with -needing- others. I have told myself so many times that I should just be able to weather this storm ... and navigate this desert by myself. After all ... I am the one who walked into it ... and I'm the one who camped out here for so long. It's MY problem and I need to find a way ... only that's not what I hear in inspirational messages around me.

I look at the life of Jesus ... Son of God ... fully divine and fully man ... and I see ... He needed friends. He surrounded Himself with close friends. I have somehow bought the lie of independence ... it's prevalent in our culture. We don't get to know our neighbors now. We don't get to know anyone very well ... we don't want to offend ... to step on toes. We don't correct anyone else's children and we don't get involved. Too ... the whole independence message conveniently sidesteps the possibility for accountability so we end up being able to -do what we want- in our annonimity rather than having to -answer to- those who love us ... those who are God's hands, feet, and mouth in our earthly lives. If I am not known ... then I can not be confronted about my sins or my straying ... it's no one else's business ... right?

One of the things I loved about way back in the day was ... nothing was just your own business. ~laughs~ Yes moderation and self control are needed but there is something undeniable about that just in your face ... your business is my business thing when it comes to loving your friends ... really hard core gut loving them. How many interventions did we have to go on? I don't mean looking back and realizing mistakes but ... how many trips out to whereever because there was a need ... to step into the fray for our -family-.

No doubt there is a time to sit back and pray and interceed and let God handle it ... but how many times today do we use that as an excuse for inaction ... veiled beneath -deep spiritual maturity-? Are we still ready to drive where we need to go? Are we ready to stay up all night in intercession? Are we ready to go and pull someone from the fire when it might mean a long drive and more work because we have work, families and committments?

I have known men in my life who have been physical Warriors. They have been strong and powerful and unafraid. And I have known in my life spiritual Warriors ... who have been equally strong, powerful and unafraid. I have known those who would stop at nothing to step into the gap and pull someone out ... because they were that powerful in the Lord.

Adam, Andrew, Billy, Brian, Dar, Kevin, Helen, Julie, Johnny, RJ, ... all Warriors that I have had the honor of knowing and loving ... and being known and loved by. I am sure that Christina and Jennifer are both just as powerful as their husbands! I have to laugh as I look at this list ... 12.

I am blessed!

btw ... where in the world IS Chilly B? We need to find him!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Taking each other for granted ...

Last night RJ and I tackled another section of our devotion book ... it was intense ... but beautiful and essential at the same time. After the short reading there are questions to discuss with each other ... here are last night's questions:

What specifically does having a "happy marriage" mean to you?

Are you happy? Why or why not?

What can I do to bring happiness to your life?

It's easy to give a trite little pat answer to these questions and smile and go on your way. It's harder after almost 10 years of marriage to honestly sit down and answer those questions from the heart. RJ and I answered from the heart last night. We talked a great deal about taking each other for granted simply because we are together almost all the time. We work together every day and we are off together (well, ok it's been a while since we've been off) ... and yet ... we realize that we have grown complacent in so many ways and with that comes selfishness.

One of the key things that we recognized in ourselves was a selfishness and indifference or a taking for granted our relationship with each other and thereby not putting in the effort we once did in serving and appreciating each other. Patience is in much shorter supply. And even sometimes there have been resentments that crop up over each of our selfish decisions.

This is not to say that we have a marriage that is full of strife or arguing. To the contrary ... RJ and I never have huge fights and we don't go to bed "angry" at each other. Still ... there is a real lacking in our zeal and appreciation and love for each other that we both miss and want to rediscover in our relationship. We don't sacrifice for each other the way we once did and we both realized that last night. It wasn't an easy conversation because the Lord really revealed to us some shortcomings that we haven't wanted to face or talk about. You know, if you admit it ... talk about it ... process it ... then you are accountable to change it. Sometimes I think we'd rather continue on auto-pilot or "glide" mode than to have to face the fact that there is work we need to do.

We talked alot about first loves and being first in each other's lives. We talked about self seeking actions and about self sacrificing ones. We talked about having appreciation and love and patience with each other like we once did. We talked about having an ACTIVE love verses a taken for granted, passive love. It was probably the best conversation, as uncomfortable as it was to see some of the stuff the Lord revealed to us about ourselves, that we've had in years. But last night as we went to bed and I was cuddled next to RJ there was an intimacy that I haven't felt in a long, long time. An appreciation and a closeness that made me realize how much we have just been settling for "life" or "living" rather than savoring "love" and "loving".

I realize that a great marriage takes work ... it takes dedication ... it takes renewing one's mindset to keep love fresh and vibrant and growing. RJ and I talked about how much we had both changed in 10 years but it's been I can't count how many years since I have really taken the time to talk to RJ about his views or his interests or his dreams. We just go along ... doing our "thing" ... but not talking like we did in those days when we couldn't stand to be apart for even an hour. In some ways I know him better than any other soul on earth ... and in other ways ... it's time to get to know him all over again.

I realized that I'm not willing to settle for security and comfort growing old with my buddy. I want to savor all of my life with me lover, my best friend ... and that means seeing him with those same eyes that I had for him in the days when he was my all consumption ... it means hearing him with those same ears ... it means treating him in those special ways that SHOW him that he is so important and special to me.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Challenge Anyone?

Ok ... a challenge for those of you following along at home! ~grins~

RJ and I are starting a daily couple's bible study. It's called NightLight by Dr. James and Shirley Dobson. We have done two nights worth and it's really good. They are short ... only meant to take up about 10 mins of time but the questions are great -- if you are willing to be really honest with each other. It's designed to be a daily course of lessons for 6 months ... all with really solid lessons and very interesting short story segments.

My challenge? Will anyone join us in this study or another couple's study for enrichment and accountability purposes? I'd love it if we all could start doing one ... either the same one or different ones ... just doing something as a couple every day to enrich our marriages and our lives.

So ... any takers? If necessary I'll buy the book and send it to you ... just let me know.

Ugh!

Today has been a day of warfare ... of struggle ... of hope ... and dispair for me.

Last night I got another letter from one of the troops we are supporting overseas. Another 19 year old Marine who seems to be a Christian. His letter was short but I was moved to tears. He noted that he thinks that God is the only thing getting him through this right now. He asked for our prayers that he would be sustained and for prayers for others trying to navigate being in Iraq with many personal issues and conflicts taking place at home.

I decided after reading his letter to have a time of prayer this morning ... and to open it up to anyone else on campus (staff) who wanted to come. I called each cottage and issued a very casual invitation. I figured that at least putting it out there would hold Rich and I accountable for keeping the prayer time we had agreed upon.

So dawn comes and I'm of course so exhausted that I can barely get out of bed. I am tired and RJ gets up to get the kids off to school even though I had planned on it. I finally got up about 8 am because we had to take our van to have the tires rotated and the oil changed. I got the van dropped off and RJ came to pick me up to come home and put away groceries. (Wed. is grocery delivery day every week.) ... I was so exhausted all I wanted to do was go back to sleep.

We set our time of prayer for the 11am to noon hour and about 10 mins to 11 am I was dying my stomach hurt so badly. I could barely stand up ... but we pushed ahead. At 11am we put on the worship tape we had decided on and starting praying. A few moments later one other couple (a young couple who are new to campus) came. We don't know them very well but it really -felt- like they were supposed to be there. No one else came and I was kind of glad. I made the invitation very informal and with no pressure because I felt like God would draw who He wished to come.

We prayed and worshipped together for the whole hour and it was great. Boy did time fly and my stomach didn't hurt at all and I don't feel the least bit sleepy. It has been longer than I can recall since I've been able to spend an hour in prayer and worship. Just an hour. As we were praying I realized that I don't even know where my bible is. I haven't gotten a new bible since RJ and I got married and it's been so long since I've opened one I don't even know where mine is. If I have needed one I've used a student bible or RJ's.

So after prayer, I talked to RJ and decided to go and get a new bible. The first Christian bookstore I went to is closing and had NO bibles in stock any longer. I came home and looked for other Christian bookstores. The closest I could find initially was over an hour away. I couldn't find a single bookstore in High Point so I ended up deciding to go to another little town where the parent store to the one that is closing here, is located. I got directions online after calling the bookstore and getting no help direction wise from them. I took off with my directions from online only to follow them to the letter and find myself on a country deadend road. I called RJ completely frustrated to re-mapquest the directions and to call the store again but only ended up totally confused and more frustrated. I finally just hung up and set off to back track and try to find it based on the scant information I had pieced together.

I finally found the bookstore and it was much nicer than I had expected. I looked and looked at the selection of bibles ... I wanted a navy blue one like I had in college ... I loved that bible so much. Of course I couldn't find one that I liked that was blue with silver pages so ... I ended up getting a burgandy and black one that was pretty neat. The engraver arrived just in time to put my name on it so that was pretty cool.

So I have a new bible and we spent an hour in prayer and worship this morning. All good stuff but none without some resistence so to speak. I am strongly at war right now within myself and I hate it. I want to hate those things that war within me more ... I want to dispise them ... I am not there yet but I am trying ... step by step by step ...

I wish this were all easier ... but it's not ... nothing about this fight is easy for me right now ...

Monday, April 16, 2007

Just because ...



I scrounged around and found a bunch of reject pictures that no one managed to steal from me in my active days as -clique paparazzi- and spent the better part of a day scanning and uploading these ... hopefully they will bless ya'll as they did RJ and I while we worked on this. If there aren't many pictures of you it isn't because I don't love you dearly it's cause your pics were obviously the most sought after and you'll have to look around at the rest of the clique for the guilty party! ~grins~

I love ya'll! I have about 50 to 100 more pics to upload but I can't get to them tonight ... so stay tuned!

Pictures

If you guys want to see pics of my family ... scroll ALL the way down to the bottom and click the video montage that Rich (RJ) made of the whole gang ...

The Boston Marathon

What a morning. I just sat and watched my brother complete the 111th Boston Marathon in the worst weather conditions since 1977. He finished in 3 hours 10 minutes and 44 seconds. It wasn't his best marathon finish but it was phenominal none the less. The conditions were horrible today for an outside run ... temperatures in the 30's ... and very windy. As I sat and watched everyone finishing ... scanning the crowds looking for my brother ... I was struck dumb at the literal force of will that those runners displayed.

I can't fathom running 26.2 miles ... not even for the life of someone I love. I know that I simply physically could not do it. I don't know that I have ever worked that hard ... with that amount of determination for anything in my life. It humbles me enormously. It also shames me in a way.

I have given up more goals than I have ever achieved in my life. Yet I watched my brother at 41 years old finish 1978th overall. He was the 1857th male to finish the race. And he was 487th in his age group in his third EVER marathon. I don't even think I can fathom the depth of committment that it takes to force yourself to keep running inspite of every rebelling fiber in your body. I don't think that I can wrap my mind around what that takes ... I know I can't. And it makes me look at myself with some measure of disgust.

How easily I give up and I've never been asked to do anything so phenominal as a 26.2 mile race in under 3 hours or 4 hours or 5 hours or any other number. I don't even know how long it would take me to even WALK that far. Way too long for sure.

I am struck with my laziness today. With my lack of inner drive ... my lack of will and determination. I without fail give up long before it hurts to the degree that those runners must have hurt today. How can I ever think that I could do or be someone special or significant in this world. I am too easily defeated. I don't even know how to find inner resolve. I am like a dog returning to my vomit on my best day.

20, 614 people started the Boston Marathon this morning. 4,577 men ran in my brother's age group. He finished 487th. I am so proud of him! I don't think I've ever done anything that has made someone else proud. What an eyeopener!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Peaceful Islam?

I've been participating on a discussion board about the peacefulness or lack of peacefulness taught in the Qur'an.

The Qur'an is a book containing the literal Word of Allah. It was transmitted from Allah to an angel of His (Gabriel), and from the angel to the Messenger of Allah who delivered it to us. The Qur'an covers a wide variety of topics, including evidence to support its claim of being the Word of the Creator, stories of earlier generations, rules which humanity is asked to obey, and information about the Hereafter. The Qur'an claims that it is protected from change by other than Allah, and this is confirmed by its 1400 year history. The earliest copies and the latest copies are the same.

The Sunnah is the term used to describe how the Messenger of Allah (saas) lived his life. The Messenger's life is an example for all Muslims, or those who accept Islam, to follow. Whatever the Messenger (saas) did, said, or approved of is a source of Islam just as much as the Qur'an. The Messenger's role is not overemphasized: his life was dictated by what the Creator desired, and the Messenger did not add or subtract to Islam according to his own personal whim. His life was such that his wife called him "a walking Qur'an."

The Qur'an and Sunnah are the only two mediums by which Allah has directly taught us about Islam. This leads us to the following simple but critical principle:
-from Ten Misconceptions About Islam http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/notislam/misconceptions.html

It is important when understanding the Qu'ran to know that the Sura's are not ordered in a first to last revelation sequence. They are ordered according to the instructions of Mohammed and aren't an example of chronological revelations. This is a chart that shows the Sura's as they are number as well as what order Mohammed received them in:

http://www.submission.org/suras/app23.html

Each sura, or chapter, is generally known by a name derived from a key word in the text of that chapter (see List of chapter names). The chapters are not arranged in chronological order (i.e. in the order in which Islamic scholars believe they were revealed) but roughly descending by size, to aid oral memory (e.g. see Sura 54 Ayah 17).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qur

Here are the posts that I made on the discussion forum in response to assertions that there are possibly peace loving devout Muslims.

First post:

One of the main problems I have with people who say that only a small part of Muslims are extreme is the Quran and the teachings of Mohammed. I am not saying that there aren't peace loving Muslims but I'm saying ... they really don't understand a lot of the teachings of Mohammed or don't choose to follow them if they are.

In the first part of Mohammed's life He preached about peace and harmony. That was His message. The problem with Mohammed's teachings is that His entire message was based on a current revelation superseding a previous one. So as His life progresses His revelations become more hostile and militant. He then says earlier revelations about peace and harmony are superseded by His revelations of jihad and war. By the end of His life He was on a killing spree and His teachings at that time supported that. With the stress on the fact that the revelations later in His life cancelled out the earlier revelations.

This is a problem for any Muslim who wishes to claim a devote status with Mohammed as the prophet. They can't embrace peace and harmony as a part of their religious doctrine because Mohammed expressly does not teach by the end of His life that that is the way. It's almost like a Christian who only reads the Old Testament and bases their whole belief system on the first part of the book. The ironic thing is ... for the Christian, peace and harmony come in the second half of the book. For the Muslim, war and killing come at the second half of the book. But to really understand the tenants of each religion one must read the whole. Not just a part.

This would work fine if Mohammed made provision for His early teachings to mingle with His later teachings but He did not. Therefore, there is a serious quandary for the -peace loving- Muslim. One can't base their Christian life wholly on the 10 Commandments and one can't well base a devoted Muslim life on the first suras but ignoring the last ones.

This is the thing that -radical- Muslims understand. They -are- the ones most following the teachings of the Quran and of the Prophet. Based on His life and His own declarations that the last revelations supersede the first.

The Sacred month for the sacred month and all sacred things are (under the law of) retaliation; whoever then acts aggressively against you, inflict injury on him according to the injury he has inflicted on you and be careful (of your duty) to Allah and know that Allah is with those who guard (against evil). (2:194)

"Warfare is ordained for you, though it is hateful unto you; but it may happen that ye hate a thing which is good for you, and it may happen that ye love a thing which is bad for you. Allah knoweth, ye know not." (2:216)

"Soon shall We cast terror into the hearts of the Unbelievers, for that they joined companions with Allah, for which He had sent no authority: their abode will be the Fire: And evil is the home of the wrong-doers!" (3:151)

"How many a township have We destroyed! As a raid by night, or while they slept at noon, Our terror came unto them. No plea had they, when Our terror came unto them, save that they said: Lo! We were wrong-doers." (7:4-5)

"Remember thy Lord inspired the angels (with the message): 'I am with you: give firmness to the Believers: I will instil terror into the hearts of the Unbelievers: smite ye above their necks and smite all their finger-tips off them.'" (8:12)

So when the Sacred Months have passed, then fight the Mushrikun [unbelievers] wherever you find them, and capture them and besiege them, and lie inwait for them in each and every ambush. But if they repent and perform the Salah [Islamic prayers five times daily], and give the Zakah [alms asrequired by Islamic law], then leave their way free. Verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (9:5)

Arab-American psychologist Wafa Sultan has pointed out that the prophet of Islam said: "I was ordered to fight the people until they believe in Allah and his Messenger." Sultan has called on Islamic teachers to review their writings and teachings and remove every call to fight people who do not believe as Muslims.[66] Dr. Sultan is now in hiding, fearing for her life and the safety of her family after appearing on the al-Jazeera TV show. [67]Muslims for a Safe America have opened a dialogue on some of the issues raised by Dr. Sultan.[68]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_the_Qur%27an

Allah will bestow a vast reward on those who fight in religious wars. Sura 4, 74

Have no unbelieving friends. Kill the unbelievers wherever you find them. 89If the unbelievers do not offer you peace, kill them wherever you find them. Against such you are given clear warrant. 91Sura 4, 89-91

Second Post:

As Utar pointed out Solaris, no one denies the eye for an eye teachings of the Old Testament. HOWEVER, as I think You well know, the New Testament is the -New Covenant- that God made with His people it advocates NOTHING of violence. In fact, the New Testament scripture shows Jesus saying this: "You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth". But I say to you, do not resist an evildoer. If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."- (Matthew 5:38-39, NRSV)

I am not trying to debate religion here in so much as I am saying that -peace loving- Muslims seem to be unaware of their own history of their prophet.

Mohammed Himself moved through four stages of position on the issue of violence throughout His life. It is undeniable if you understand Islam that He taught that His revelations were progressive and that they canceled out previous revelations.

The Four Stages:

Stage One: No Retaliation

When Muhammad began preaching Islam in 610 A. D. in Mecca, his fellow tribesmen (Koreish) became increasingly hostile toward him because of his condemnation of their idolatry. The chapters (suras) of the Koran which originated during the 13 years Muhammad continued to live in Mecca, contain no instruction about fighting, in spite of the severe persecution suffered by his small band of followers. Why? Simply because his few followers stood no chance to win in a physical conflict. Thus it was a wise survival strategy to avoid violent confrontations. Few verses will serve to illustrate this teaching.

In Sura 73:10,11 Muhammad urges his followers to be patient toward those who deny the truth: "And have patience with what they say, and leave them with noble (dignity). And leave me (alone to deal with) those in possession of the good things of life, who (yet) deny the truth, and bear with them for a little while.

"In Sura 52:45,47,48 the prophet admonishes to leave the unbelievers alone and to wait patiently for the Lord to punish them: "So leave them alone until they encounter that day of theirs, wherein they shall (perforce) swoon (with terror) ... And verily, for those who do wrong, there is another punishment besides this... Now await in patience the command of thy Lord, for verily thou art in Our eyes."

Stage Two: Defensive Fighting is Permitted

On July 15, 622, the increasing opposition forced Muhammad and his followers to flee from Mecca to Medina, a distance of 250 miles North. This is an important date, known as the Hegira, because it marks the beginning of the Moslem calendar. In Medina Muhammad was recognized as a prophet and was able to consolidate his power. His followers began looting the Meccan caravans passing through Medina. This practice eventually led to several battles between the Koreish tribes of Mecca and his followers.

Muhammad gained the first victory in the Battle of Badr in 624 with an army of 305, mostly citizens of Medina, over a Koreish force twice as large. He conquered several Jewish and Christian tribes and ordered and watch in person the massacred of 600 Jews in one day. It was at this time that Muhammad instructed his followers to defend themselves by fighting and killing.

An example of this instruction is found in Sura 22:39-41 where permission is given to engage in defensive fighting : "To those against whom war is made, permission is given (to fight), because they are wronged, and verily, God is most powerful for their aid." Again in Sura 22:58 rewards are promised to those who die in jihad: "Those who leave their homes in the cause of God, and are then slain or die, on them will God bestow verily a goodly provision." The promise of paradise to those who die fighting for Allah, has inspired countless Muslin through the centuries to become martyrs for their faith. It is this promise that inspires devout Muslims young men and women today to become suicide bombers for the cause of Allah.

Stage Three: Defensive fighting is Commanded

A few months after granting permission to fight in self-defense, Muhammad instructed his followers in making war as a religious obligation. At first the enemies were the idol worshippers of the Koreish tribe in Mecca, but later it included the Jews and Christians who did not accept Muhammad as prophet.

This teaching is found in numerous verses of the Koran. Richard Bailey lists 32 passages, annotating them with valuable comments. For the sake of brevity I refer only to four of them. In Sura 2:190 instruction is given to fight until persecution is stopped and Islam is established: "Fight in the cause of God those who fight you, but do not transgress limits; for God loveth not transgressors. And slay them wherever ye catch them, and turn them out from where they have turned you out; for tumult and oppression are worse than slaughter."

In Sura 2:216 Muslims are commanded to fight for the cause of Allah, even if they do not like, because Allah knows what is best for them: "Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But God knoweth, and ye know not." Statements such as these make it abundantly clear that for a devout Muslims who follows the teachings of the Koran, fighting to advance the cause of Islam is a divine obligation that can hardly be ignored.

In Sura 8:12,13 Muslims are instructed to cut the necks and fingers of those who opposed God and to never turn their back on unbelievers: "Remember thy Lord inspired the angels (with the message): 'I am with you: give firmness to the believers. I will instill terror into the hearts of the unbelievers. Smite ye above their necks and smite all their fingertips off them. This because they contended against God and His Apostle. If any contend against God and his Apostle, God is strict in punishment ... O ye who believe! When ye meet the unbelievers in hostile array, never turn your backs to them. If any do turn his back to them on such a day –unless it be in a stratagem of war, or to retreat to a troop (of his own) – he draws on himself the wrath of God, and his abode is hell, – an evil refuge (indeed)! It is not ye who slew them; it was God.

"The instruction is clear. When in combat, there is no room for second thought. Muslim soldiers are to finish the job by smiting the head and cutting the fingers of their enemies. The intent of these amputations was to make it impossible for the victims ever to fight again.

Sura 61:4,11-13 teaches that God loves those who fight in His cause with determination. He will give them victory, forgiveness of sins and admission to the pleasure of paradise: "Truly God loves those who fight in His cause in battle array, as if they were a solid cemented structure ... that ye believe in God and His Apostle, and that ye strive (your utmost) in the cause of God, with your property and your persons. That will be best for you, if ye but knew! He will forgive you your sins, and admit you to gardens [Paradise] beneath which rivers flow, and to beautiful mansions in gardens of eternity. That is indeed the supreme achievement. And another (favor will He bestow), which ye do love–help from God and a speedy victory. So give the glad tidings to the believers.

"One of the benefits of fighting for the cause of Islam is the permission to take captured women as concubines, in addition to several legitimate wives. Sura 33:50: says: "O Prophet! We have made lawful to thee thy wives to whom thou hast paid their dowers, and those whom thy right hand possesses out of the prisoners of war whom God has assigned to thee ... For the believers (at large), We know that We have appointed for them as to their wives and the captives whom their right hands possess ..." The notion that God would assign captured women as concubines to Muslim believers who fight for His cause, hardly reflect high moral standards of the Islam faith. Polygamy and servile concubinage have destroyed the dignity of women and the beauty of the home. In this areas the infinite superiority of Christianity is clearly evident.

By teaching that those who die fighting for the cause of Allah will have their sins forgiven and are admitted into the pleasure of Paradise, the Koran has inspired Muslims throughout the centuries to fight unto death for the cause of Allah. Today it is inspiring young Palestinians become suicide bombers. For them a "martyr's death" is the surest and quickest way to a better life of comforts, prosperity, and pleasures in Paradise. "Suicide bombers" see themselves as carrying out the teaching of the Koran, while serving their communities and acquiring admission in paradise.

Sura 55:52-58 describes Paradise as a place where there "will be fruits of every kind, two and two... They will recline on carpets, whose inner linings will be of rich brocade. The fruit of the gardens will be near (and easy to reach)... In them will be (maidens), chaste, restraining their glances, whom no man or Jinn before them has touched ... like unto rubies and coral." The sensual element pollutes even Islam's vision of Paradise. Believers are promised not only blooming gardens, abundant food, fresh fountains, but also beautiful virgins. Seventy-two beautiful virgins will be created for the enjoyment of the meanest believer. A moment of pleasure will be prolonged a thousand years. This pleasure-oriented Paradise differs radically from the Biblical view of the world to come as this planet earth restored to its original perfection for the habitation of the redeemed who will engage in productive activities and the elevating worship of God.

Stage Four: Offensive War is Commanded Against the Pagans, Christians and Jews.

The final phase of Muhammad's teaching on warfare developed after he conquered Mecca in 630 A. D. Most of the pagans living in the city became Muslims. At that time Muhammad was able to take over the city and cleanse the Ka'aba (sacred shrine) of some 360 idols resident there.

At this point it became evident to Muhammad that Jews and Christians would not accept him as prophet, so they became part of the list of Islam's enemies to be conquered. Thus, warfare was no longer to be a defensive fighting, but an aggressive Jihad against all unbelievers. This is the final teaching of the Koran which is still in force today and has inspired the recent acts of terrorism.

There are several texts commanding offensive warfare to kill the pagans, Jews, and Christians. Among them Sura 9:5 stands out for its explicit injunction to slay the infidels: "When the forbidden months are past, then fight and slay the pagans wherever ye find them, and seize them, beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them in every stratagem (of war). But if they repent, and establish regular prayers and practice regular charity [becomeMoslem], then open the way for them." The best way for people to save their lives, was by renouncing their religion and adopting the Islam faith. In some instances conquered people could save their lives by paying a heavy tribute and becoming submissive to Muslim rulers.

In the same chapter, Sura 9:29-31, Muslims are commanded to fight Jews and Christians until they are subdued. Those who submitted themselves to Muslim rulers were to be subjected to a heavy tribute. The reason is because God's curse is upon them: "Fight those who believe not in God nor the last day, nor hold that forbidden which hath been forbidden by God and His Apostle, nor acknowledge the religion of truth, (even if they are) of the people of the Book [Christians and Jews], until they pay the jizya [tribute] with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued. The Jews call Uzair [Ezra] a son of God, and the Christians call Christ the Son of God ... God's curse be on them."

Sura 5:36-38 prescribes four types of punishments for those who oppose Allah and his prophet, Muhammad: "The punishment of those who wage war against God and His Apostle, and strive with might and main for mischief through the land is execution, or crucifixion, or the cutting off of hands and feet from opposite sides, or exile from the land. That is their disgrace in this world, and a heavy punishment is theirs in the hereafter, except for those who repent before they fall into your power. In that case, know that God is oft-forgiving, most merciful. O ye who believe! Do your duty to God. Seek the means of approach unto Him, and strive with might and main in His cause, that ye may prosper.

"The four types of punishments (cutting off the head, crucifixion, maiming, or exile), which were to be applied according to the circumstances, reveal the ruthless methods used by Muslims invaders to advance their religion. Such methods stand in stark contrast to the teachings of Jesus to win men and women for the Kingdom of God by proclaiming the Good News of God's saving grace through the atoning sacrifice of Christ.

The Teachings on Holy Warfare in Muhammad's Traditions ("Hadith")

The teachings of the Koran on the use of the sword to advance the cause of Islam, are corroborated by the collections of traditions ("Hadith") concerning the teaching of Muhammad. The nine volumes by Iman Bukhari are generally regarded as the most authentic of the Hadith literature. In volume 4 alone Richard Bailey found 283 passages teaching holy warfare (Jihad) to advance the cause of Islam. For the sake of brevity I will quote only four of them.

Muhammad said, "A single endeavor (of fighting) in Allah's cause in the forenoon or in the afternoon is better than the world and whatever is in it" (4:50). Again he said, "Know that Paradise is under the shades of swords." (4:73). For Muhammad fighting for the cause of Allah was a way of life. He said, "My livelihood is under the shade of my spear, and he who disobeys my orders will be humiliated by paying Jizya" ( 4:162b).

The "Jizya" is the poll tax paid by subjugated peoples in return for their right to exist. Muhammad said, "I have been ordered to fight with the people till they say, 'None has the right to be worshiped but Allah,' and whoever says, 'None has the right to be worshiped but Allah,' his life and property will be saved by me except for Islamic law, and his accounts will be with Allah (either to punish him or to forgive him.)" (4:196 ). The order is clear. Muslims had to fight people until they became Muslims.
-http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-religion/696408/posts

All of this information is supported by FACT from History. Mohammed lived the Quran and one only needs to study His own life to understand that He became a progressively militant person and taught that to Muslims as the way. One can not base a relgion on the teachings of a Prophet and then only accept part of what He teaches when He is supposed to be the holy mouthpiece of Allah.

As to the Bilble vs the Quran for violence? Aside from the point I made about there being a clear and dividing line between Old and New Testament for followers of the Bible and of Christianity. Here are a few stats:

Number of Cruel or Violent Passages:
Bible: 842
Quran: 333

Taking into account the size of both works:
Bible: 842, total verses- 31102 percent- 2.71
Quran: 333, total verses- 6236 percent - 5.34

When expressed as a percentage of cruel or violent verses (at least as marked in the SAB/Q), the Quran has about twice that of the Bible. (5.34 vs. 2.71%)*http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/cruelty/bible_quran.html

However, regardless of the number of violent passages, one must look at the message of the Prophet as a whole. Jesus came to finish the Bible and to set the tone for Christianity - forgiveness and non-violence. Mohammed says that Allah wants more and more violence throughout His life and depicts that in His life to an undeniable level.

It isn't just about the words of the holy book it's what is ultimately taught as the -way- of one's follwers. One can not read the Quran and truly study Mohammed's life and conclude that the Muslim way is peace. Perhaps if one isn't a -good- Muslim one could claim peace.

The really disturbing thing here is that I know some very wonderful Muslim people. I also know that most of them could tell me little to nothing about Mohammed's actual life or teachings beyond what is found in the Quran. The Quran is written in beautiful and sometimes confusing verse. The life of the Prophet as He models the will of Allah for the Muslim is not ambiguous or vague. No other leader of a major world religion practiced or taught the amount of violence that Mohammed represented and set out for the followers of Allah to follow.

Now we can point at -other- holy books all day and find violent verses or point out hypocrites through history or we can honestly look at the religion in question and what it's most revered prophet actually taught and lived. Just because other holy books contain violence DOES NOT mean that it's relevent to what Islam DOES teach. This topic is specifically about what Islam is. i didn't take anything out of context to try to misquote or misrepresent. One is free to examine Mohammed's life and teaching for themselves. History is very clear on His actions and teachings.

Third Post:

Oh but Solaris, you have NO idea what religion I was raised around. You have no idea what my religious background is at all.Yes Christ came to "fulfill" the law. Are you aware of what Law that was? According to Christianity the Law being spoken of here was the law that required a BLOOD SACRIFICE for atonement of sin. He was sent to be the ultimate blood atoning sacrifice and thereby fulfill the law that God had required of blood atonement from the beginning of the Old Testament.

There was no LAW regarding the waging of war. Those were the dictates of God to the people regarding their behavior to try to stop the need for a blood atonement. Jesus clearly says in the New Testament that He brings a new teaching that is one of peace. He clearly shows through progressive revelation in the Bible that peace and love and forgiveness was the way that God wished His people to go. The Prophet or Savior Jesus led a life that exemplifies peace, forgiveness and love and THAT is what He taught His followers.

Conversely Mohammed taught a progressive revelation also and His progression was TOWARDS, not AWAY from violence.

It is undeniable that if one follows Jesus His teachings were of peace. If one follows Mohammed His teachings are of violence. You just can't deny that IF you are reading the texts and histories.

This isn't about supporting prejudice against Muslims but this is about the truths of Mohammed and the Muslim religion. As any peaceful Muslim and they say that the Quran is confusing and contradictory. This is their explanation for -throwing away- the violent passages and directives. Clearly however, to be a real follower of the Quran you can not throw out the later revelations of Mohammed that call for violence just as the Christian can't throw out the last teachings of their Prophet/Savior Jesus. Each prophet or prophetic message supersedes the last.

What you don't want to accept is that what you are labeling as extreme is in fact just devout following of the Quran and of Mohammed. To the Muslim who understands the Quran it is NOT extreme. It IS the teachings of their Holy Prophet.

I am not promoting my -opinion- only. I encourage you to RESEARCH what I've written. Not just write it off with ... oh your words are just words. That is the most non-argument or non-basis for dismising what I've said that you could possibly offer. If you disagree with me ... then base it on facts. On YOUR understanding of the Quran. Show me where I am wrong. I invite you. Show me something besides a dismissal based on the fact that you assume that I wasn't raised Muslim so I couldn't possibly understand.

Just for your infomation - my nephew is 1/2 Iraqi (His first middle name is Mohammed and His second middle name is Younis) and His father is Iraqi (who happens to be named Mohammed) so I am more well versed than you might think in what is taught to Muslims. That however shouldn't be the basis of your refute of my assertions. Give me some research. Give me some history. Give me some fact that shows that I'm misrepresenting the Quran and Mohammed.

End of posts

It seems that no one else wishes to engage in the discussion at this point however, I think it's vital that people understand more than a spin doctoring to make Islam more -agreeable- in western society.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Peace in the Storm?

Lately I feel like all I've been waiting from the Lord is peace ... peace in this storm that I have created. But today ... I had to ask ... is peace really what the Lord is calling me to right now? Or ... is it something more ferocious ... something more brutal ... something more aggressive than simply peace? I keep thinking of the movie 300 ... of the Spartans determination to FIGHT to be free. They didn't give up when the odds were overwhelming ... and they didn't just sit around wishing for peace or reprieve. They fought ... and fought ... because they knew that their lives ... their freedom depended upon it.

I want peace because peace is easy ... Warfare is not. I want peace because it sounds so beautiful and melodic and heavenly. However beautiful wishing for peace is ... one can't declare peace or truce in the middle of a war ... that isn't for a soldier to decide. It isn't for me to decide. The enemy has no interest in peace ... only destruction and I have this sense in my heart that it's way way too early for me to be asking God for peace talks in my life. I have been longing in the enemy camp too long and any escape from captivity requires aggression ... resolve ... determination ... pro-activity ... not rest ... not yet.

I want peace because I am tired ... but ... somehow ... I think God is in a warring mode.

Monday, April 9, 2007

X Target off my list of potential shopping sites

http://content.hamptonroads.com/story.cfm?story=122500&ran=29340

This is absurd! In my eyes this is nothing but another attempt to shame our servicemen and women who are wearing their uniforms. There was NO evidence of recruiting and Target shamelessly touts on their websites all of their support of our service personnel ... apparently until they walk into the door with their uniform on. According to one of the posters to the article, her daughter worked there and was told during orientation that they didn't want to offend others by having military personnel there in uniform so they routinely ask them to leave!

Yet the profits of these companies sit squarely on the shoulders of our men and women in the service who serve and protect our free market economy and who keep the costs for these companies low by fighting the wars that protect our oil and trade routes. This is gross to me!

bleh!

Sometimes it's time to shout!

While reading the -political- news lately and following the news on the situation in the Middle East I have finally come to a strong conviction. It's time to start -shouting-. It's not enough that we debate amongst ourselves and it's not enough that we buy the appropriate support paraphernalia to load on our cars to speak for us about the causes that we feel strongly about. It's time to do more. At least for me. I am sick of watching fanatics and misguided peaceniks speaking -for- me as an American citizen. I am sick of watching other people talk while I just wrestle and stew.

I finally did something today that I have never done before in my memory. I sat down and composed a letter to my elected officials in Washington to voice my support of their votes on the Supplemental War funding bill. No, it may not make an earthshattering difference ... especially since they voted the way I wanted them to vote. But they need to know that they are being heard, and watched, and that those who elected them are watching when it comes time for RE-ELECTION! This is the message that I sent to my three representatives-

My husband and I are regularly voting constituents from your North Carolina district. We live in the Thomasville, NC area and work at ---------------.

I wanted to take the time to write and thank you for your nay vote on the atrocious war funding bill with timeline and excessive pork entitlements that was voted on March 29th. It is beyond comprehension and unconscionable to undermine our mission in the Middle East and our troops with this type of display at home. We could do nothing more demoralizing to our troops and more encouraging to those we stand opposed to than to declare timelines and hold funding hostage in order to politicize this war campaign even further.

Our men and women of the United States Armed forces DESERVE our loud and united support for their mission and our enemies MUST see that they face the UNITED determination of our country in standing strong to our commitments. Faced with our unflinching resolve, they will grow disheartened. With the actions of many within the political sphere at this time, we are only disheartening our own and thus giving more fuel and momentum to those who would gladly slaughter our men and women in a holy war that simply grants them a faster paradise.

We must raise our voices and insist that the media and the politicians who care more about winning party votes and further elections stop using this war and our men and women AND the integrity of our country as pawns and bargaining chips. We hurt ourselves far more at home with our own media and the words of our own elected officials than any action that our enemies have taken against us thus far. We must change the tide of this situation in the Middle East by showing a stalwart and resolute face to the world, not the self destructing and effacing face that they are now seeing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week from our global media access.

The actions of Britain in the recent hostage situation should show us more than ever that we stand as a power alone and we are still the only hope that many disenfranchised and oppressed people have. If we leave Iraq and the Middle East to it's own devices we have made the deaths of our men and women a death in senseless vain. We have failed in our duty to them to complete the mission that they gave the ultimate sacrifice for. We ARE failing in this mission when we fail to stand properly against the forces that would make us a simpering, apologetic country that cedes our powers to the United Nations and political correctness of those here at home who would gladly give over our freedoms to occupying powers without a second thought.

I leave you with my thanks for your stand and my prayers for your continued stand and courage on these matters that so greatly press us on all sides. I also leave you with these words --

“War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.”

John Stuart Mill
English economist & philosopher (1806 - 1873)

Caroline and Richard Outman

I would hope that everyone who reads this blog would take the time to write SOMETHING by way of support to their representatives so that it can be clear to them how those they represent feel.

If you need to know who your representatives are and how to contact them ... go to http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/ and fill in your information. I have never felt as strongly as I do now that I'm sick of people who don't represent my views being given the only platform that is heard for views. I am sick of letting my silence give an ambiguous message. I want to be clear to those that have been elected to represent me, how I feel so that they may be mindful of it when they consider their own political futures and the future of our country!

Rome wasn't built ...

in a day. ~smiles~ How I wish that the consequences of our actions could just be swept away in the time it takes ... in the blink of an eye it takes for the Lord to apply the blood of Jesus to the sin itself. I know that sometimes we are given the grace of having those consequences swept away in the flood of forgiveness however, I know too that sometimes the lessons aren't the ones that are painless. Sometimes the lesson is in the consequences and we must press on rather than pray for a flood to wash away the consequences of our actions. I know that sometimes there must be something accomplished in us that takes time ... and sometimes it's a painful lesson or lessons.

I want so badly to cry out to God to wash it all away. To help me to forget ... and to avoid the hurts that have come from MY actions ... however, I know that in this case, it is not going to be. I know that I must walk out of this desert one footfall at a time and I know that His grace is sufficient for me to keep walking. I know that He is prepared to feed me and quench my thirst in this desert but I also know that He isn't going to give me a nice little oasis in the middle of it to sit down and camp at. I know ... I know that I must keep walking. One footfall at a time.

I know that the Lord has given me strength from Himself and from the close fellowship of others. I know that He is providing what I need but I also know that not a single other person can step these steps for me. I know that not a single other person can keep walking even though I am tired. Even though I am hurting. I know that it is God alone who sustains me and who WILL continue to sustain me if I will set my heart and mind on HIM alone.

Yesturday we went to Dar and Andrew's church and it was fantastic. If no one else needed the message that was offered ... God knew that I did. It was about remembering and it hit home in such a powerful way. The pastor gave a great play on the word remember and re-member, addressing those who had been dis-membered from the body for some reason or another. He spoke about how remembering the words and deeds of the Lord in our past were crucial in helping us to be re-membered to the body of Christ again.

I had a tendency to look back on what the Lord has done in my life and in the lives of my friends and then stop ... and shake my head and just kinda say ... "those were the -glory- days" or some other mental phrase that dismisses those times. Maybe because they are so painful in comparison to where I stand now. Maybe because I want to side step the -responsibility- that we all claimed that we understood so well in acknowledging the call of God on our lives. Whatever the reason, I have so many times stopped short of really really remembering those times because it was just so painful and because it felt easier to avoid the responsibility that sits on those experiences.

I know that I must not only REMEMBER but to embrace those -understandings- that I have worked so hard to bury. I know there is a difference between resting on one's laurels so to speak and REMEMBERING that which compels and drives us. There was a phrase the pastor kept using yesturday and for the life of me I can't remember it ... I wish I could. Basically it was something along the lines of - failing to REMEMBER the Deeds and Promises of the Lord is setting ourselves up for failure now. That we can't remain in a right place with the Lord if we don't remember His promises and His deeds.

I can't do it justice today and I won't try any further to explain ... except to say that I feel ... lighter today. I feel a sense of deliverance today. I feel a sense of renewed purpose today. I feel a sense of hope today. I can't wash away all of the consequences of my sin ... I can't make every compulsion or weak moment of missing a -friend- away ... but I can steel myself ... and take another step out of this desert. AND I do know that when my hands get tired in the middle of this battle that God has given me the most precious gift of those who will keep my hands raised even when I am too tired in my own strength. I do know that I have allowed isolation to beat me to a pulp long enough. I do know that I am surrounded by those who are at least as strong and determined as I am and maybe more so. I do know that it's a fight now and for a long time it wasn't even a fight ... it was a slaughter.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

PLEASE WATCH



Though the video starts out with some tech. difficulties, I was really moved watching this. It's a bit long but very worth watching! Give it a listen and tell me what you guys think?!

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

too early

It's so too early to be this tired. It's too early in a fight that I don't want to face ... too early in accepting the hurt ... the consequences that come from my sin ... I am a coward. I want to run away. I am just so tired.

The Wages of Sin is death. How well I know that. In so many ways I feel like my heart is black and dying ... from the price of my sin. I am lazy. I don't want to go through this. Hasn't ten years been long enough in the desert? Now how long will I have to trudge through this desert ... trying to make my way ... trying to find Him again? Ok ... perhaps I've been camped out living in the desert for 10 years ... now I'm on the move ... but hot is hot ... and alone is alone and hurt and desolation are hurt and desolation ... and shame ... it's the same whether the location is permanent or changing from day to day.

It's just too soon to be this tired ... that's almost all I can really think right now.