The next big -thing- ...

So today RJ and I splurged in a big way and bought almost $500 worth of paint and painting supplies. The paint is mostly Ralph Lauren and it's supposed to be quite the challenge to work with ... but hey we figure ... having NEVER painted a single room we have lived in ... why start small right?? ~laughing~

I was telling RJ last week while we were at work that I have never painted a single room that I've lived in my entire life. We moved a bit growing up but I was never allowed to pick the colors of my room and even as an adult, I have never moved into a residence and painted a room the way I really wanted it to be. My sister, Jennifer is a champ at this. She paints immediately when she moves in or gets an idea and I've always admired her courageous spirit. Maybe I'm just lazy and it always seemed to be so much work ... or many it's just that I always simply accepted what was there and worked around it. Last week I finally told Rich that I was sick of always having white walls and of never putting my real -mark- on our home. So ... we started planning ...

We have lived in this house for three years ... when we first moved in it seemed plenty big. Of course now, it feels way too small. We only have two bedrooms in this house and it's laid out in a pretty strange way. I won't get into all the deficits ... there are things I love about this house. We rent it because it's on the grounds where we work, but we have always been free to decorate it however we wished ... we just haven't done much beyond hang pictures and get furniture. Anyways ... we have used the second bedroom as a -guest room- for three years. Only we've had guests to spend the night a mere twice since we moved in. Once my sister and once my parents. Otherwise, the room acts as a command center for our going back and forth to work baggage. We just come home from a week at work and dump everything in there and live out of our suitcases in that room. The second room is the ONLY room in the house that our 5 furry babies have NO access to.

Now for those of you who don't live in a home managed by cats ... you can't really understand what I am getting at here. Our cats live here more than we do and frankly ... they let us know frequently that they are being highly generous by letting us stay here part of the time. Nothing is sacred to them and no surface is safe. I can't have any live plants in the house because they will eat them in a most disturbingly short time period. I can't leave unfinished things lying around because as they chase each other around the house, any surface is fair game and anything sitting out may well be an obstacle that gets clipped by a flying paw or tail with no looking back. We always come home from work to stuff being on the floor and I basically have to put away or put up very securely anything that I really must save from the potential destruction that is our wild kingdom. The cats are also kinda spiteful and they get annoyed when we aren't home enough so some damage is strictly to announce their general or specific displeasure with us. At any rate ... I can't leave stuff out that is valuable and I can't leave any projects ... -in process- so to speak because they have this uncanny way of sensing what is important and well ... standing there looking at you while they inch it off a table one nudge at a time, their definant gaze never leaving your face.

Soooo ... long story shortened a bit ... I want a study. I want a place to paint and write and read that isn't in the grand safari traffic pattern. I have very expensive painting materials that I must pack up and un pack every time I use them and that makes for a less than inspirational environment believe me. I already have to spend time mixing my ink and getting into the right mood but who wants to unpack everything from being fully put away before even starting on a project? And of course my babies feel that they need creative outlets too or simply MUST taste the colors on my palette so ... I can never really paint in peace elsewhere in our house. Mostly I hike it all to work and try to creat there. Rich and I agreed that after three years of no real company ... keeping a feline free bedroom just isn't a high priority for us. We want that space. I NEED that space ... and I need it cat free! ~grins~

After some debate and misgivings because I've never really designed or decorated a room just for me or rather for US ... that will have a specific purpose ... we have made the big decisions. Our king sized bed is so old it pathetic but we've hesitated to part with it because of course, it's big enough to share with all our furry babies. It's going. We are moving the kingsized bed to the curb, moving the brand new queen sized bed into our room ... gutting the small second bedroom and making an Asian themed study/ reading room/ art room. And I'm thrilled. We are painting that room red with black trim and I'm going to put tatami mat on the floor, a bonsai (Japanese cherry blossom), some Japanese art that I have, a low table for painting, a chair and good lighting for reading ... and bookshelves in there. I can't wait!

Since we are in for a penny now with one paint job on our plate ... we figured ... hey let's just dive in ... so we are painting our bedroom also ... it will be a light purple with a suede finish and dark trim. Likewise, we are going to paint the dinning room a bamboo green with dark trim also with a suede finish and our family room is going to be dark blue accent walls with opposing white walls for the Navy theme that we already have going there. It's going to be a huge undertaking but ... I figure ...we may as well go ahead and make it what we want it to be. We don't plan on moving soon and I think our home needs to be more -ours- and less like a motel we come and stay at every other week.

Today we bought all the paints, tons of storage bins for our junk that is now going to have to be carefully sorted, discarded, or stored in the attic as we are going to be losing our junk room now. There is a lot to be done ... but I am pleased that I am finally stepping out to put my mark on a space ... and I'm praying that it doesn't look hideous when I am done. If it does ... thankfully RJ isn't a complainer and he has been very supportive so ... we'll figure out a way to fix it!

Wish us luck!

By request ... the bleeding tat ...

I haven't posted a pic of my finished -Konnichiwa- tat ... but I'll post this one for Dan's gratuitous viewing pleasure ... this was taken on a break DURING the tattoo session ... she looks much better now. ~laughing~ Later today I'll maybe post a new picture of her as this one doesn't show a lot of her features.

Also maybe I'll post a classic picture of Shane hard at work on my girl ... he really enjoys his work ... .

I'm not going to lie ... this one HURT. Because I got the first part of it about a month before the second part, the skin was still very tender ... I haven't ever cried before when getting my other tats but this time, I cried ... actually I screamed. It was very tense and this was during the first 5 minutes of him starting to work. RJ said that he was sure I'd never get through it ... I had about 6 hours to go on the tat when I was really hurting ... so things weren't looking good. ~laughs~ Anyways ... I'll post her finished soon!

Woot Sox!

~laughing~ Ok ... Dan got it right ... it's music that is traditionally tied to the RedSox. Last night while RJ was too sick to move, we watched Fever Pitch on HBO. In short it's about a RedSox obsessed man who has to decide what is really important in life. It's a really cute movie but I think RJ and I enjoyed it most because our very close friends here in T'ville, Dan and Molly are die hard Rox Sox fans.

Okay, okay ... they aren't as die hard as the guy in the movie but they are very loyal. And I confess ... I just haven't -gotten- it until last night. They speak about the Red Sox and seeing a home game in Fenway Park -- Molly still has that Boston accent when she says it so it's Paak with no r. I just always nod and listen politely but I think ... while I wasn't looking ... that they've infected me! ~laughing~

Of course I've always been a huge football fan and fondly recall all of our outtings to see the Mountaineers play all over the place (remember West Virginia anyone???) but I confess, I've NEVER been to a major league or even a college baseball game. No home town minor league games. Zero ... zip ... zilch. But ... I am feeling this longing growing in my heart to see a game in Fenway Park of the Red Sox. It's kinda funny really but I found myself watching the movie and thinking about the way Dan and Molly's faces light up when they talk about Fenway Park and Boston and the Red Sox and I just ... want to go now. It's an historical experience and I've already found myself looking at silly Fenway Park trivia online so that I'd be prepared if we ever get to go.

It seems that we need to make a decision to at least go next year because it's not for certain how much longer the originial Fenway Park will be used before they knuckle under and build a new venue for them. Of course ... Dan and Molly can discuss this at great length - I've seen them ~grins~ ... but I definitely want to go to get the whole flavor of that great American pasttime. It appears to be WAY more than a baseball game and much of a life experience!

We may have a chance to go up to Boston in the fall and I am excited about that. I've never been and it's always been a city that really interests me. Of course ... in the fall there won't be any games for the Sox but ... it would be a great time with Dan and Molly to show us around, I am sure.

So enjoy the ode to the Sox music a little longer ... til I find my next source of inspiration!

bright blessings ya'll!

Anyone ... anyone ... anyone???

Ok so ... in the spirit of trying to liven things up while I'm doing sick duty here at the Outman Infirmary ... I decided to play with my music a little bit. Anyone have any idea what the theme or significance is of the music I put on my player today? ~grins~

Love Ya'll!

C

What in the World?

Cubby is down ... Courtney is down ... and now Rich? Rich and I have been at the doctor's all morning. He has pneumonia and is flat on his back. He RARELY gets sick but when he does it's usually a doozie! We are supposed to go on our mission trip next week and that is looking next to impossible now and it's just the worst feeling to see him so sick and helpless. He feels maybe the worst I've ever seen him feel aside from his horrible ear infection about 6 years ago. Please be remembering us, Courtney and Cubby in your prayers. I am not sure what is going on ... but this seems a bit much for such a small group of friends. We love you guys!

C

One Night With the King

Yesturday RJ and I went to church with Shane (our tattoo artist). It was like coming home after being away for a long time. He has been going to the Rock of Greensboro, now called Christian City Church and it was a wonderful experience for RJ and I and our boys from the cottage. It was really neat to see all of the people that Shane has started bringing to church ... we all sat together in one section which pretty much could easily be labled the -tattoo- section. ~laughing~

Most of the folks sitting in our section had piercings, tattoos, different hair or some other socially -outspoken- visual statement, for lack of a better term. We were all treated so warmly ... with so much genuine caring and welcome that it was like a breath of fresh air. The church is very multi-cultural and relevant but it's clearly also a place that welcomes -who so ever would cometh-. It was something else to see some of what our society would view as -radicals- praising God and learning about Him.

I suppose that I would have always thought of myself as one who would be the -nilla- or boring, plain section of the church by visual standards until I came home yesturday and looked in the mirror. I had to laugh, considering what a picture RJ and I must make these days. Me with fuzz on top of my hair, three earrings in one ear, two in the other, rings on my fingers and toes, a silver anklet, and two tattoos barely visible at the hem of my shorts. RJ with two gauged earrings in his ears, no hair, and tattoos in several places including his legs, and a goatee. ~grins~ I suppose to others we don't look so plain or -blend- as easily as we used to. At any rate, it was a fanstastic service and I can't wait to go back.

The message was "For Such A Time As This" and it was highly inspiring as well as challenging. If you haven't taken the time to see "A Night With the King", it might be an interesting sit down for -date night- or some other time. A lot of people think it's a chick flick but I think the message is profound regardless of gender, so guys, perhaps you'll score points with the Mrs. if you sit down and watch it with her! ~winks~

As I was thinking of the message today on my cherished drive to Starbucks for my daily fix of Iced Venti Caramel Macchiato, I confess that I had to wonder how it really applies to my life (both the message yesturday and the message of Esther). The sermon was delivered by an interesting and charismatic fellow named -Rock- and he spoke about the importance of understanding that God will use your gifts and talents for such a time as this to do His work in the Kingdom. He will use whatever means are needed to fulfill his work and that everyone has a purpose that God intends to use in His work. I think the message really spoke to Shane a good deal partially because not many people see a -tattoo artist- as someone who could be used greatly in the Kingdom, you know? I see it as an open mission field personally though and he is certainly bringing people to church and sharing with them. At any rate, Rock also talked about winning our entire generation to the Lord and this obviously ties in with God using whatever talents and gifts that we have in winning this generation to Him.

So ... I look around me and then I read the story of Esther again before starting this blog ... and I confess ... I'm no further along in some aspects of understanding what this really means for me ... but I'm definitely open to hearing from the Lord about it. ~grins~ In the book of Esther we see that there was a time (12 months) of preparation before she was to see the King ... including being oiled with perfumes and myrrh. Of course, we are told that in the Bible oil may be used to signify cleansing, self purification, and annointing. Also of course we know that it was used as a cosmetic because of the arid conditions of the region to keep skin supple and moist. At any rate, we see the time of preparation and then we see that she has ONE night, or ONE occassion in which to be choosen by the King. She will either have his favor or she won't. Interestingly, the Lord, through her obedience gives her favor with the King and she then comes into a position of power.

I have to wonder ... what is my -for such a time as this- Assignment. Is it to reach the kids in our care for the Lord? Is it to follow the part of my heart that longs to go overseas? Is it to discover some hidden thing that I've yet to uncover about myself ... a gift or talent and to use it? I don't know ... yet ...

What is yours?

Words of Inspiration ...

As I was researching quotes for my blog banner ... I started wondering about the quotes that others find inspirational ... from movies to books to public addresses. So ... I'm opening up the floor for contributions. What are some of your favorite quotes (aside from the Bible) that inspire or give you cause to pause and reflect? I'll share a few of mine here ...

-It takes courage to push yourself to places that you have never been before... to test your limits... to break through barriers. And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. *Anais Nin

-I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. *Anaïs Nin

-War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature, and has no chance of being free unless made or kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. *John Stuart Mill

-Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.*A Few Good Men

-Truth is generally the best vindication against slander.*Abraham Lincoln

-When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow.*Anais Nin

-And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.*Friedrich Nietzsche

-It is one thing to show a man that he is in error, and another to put him in possession of truth.*John Locke

-Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one. *Friedrich Nietzsche

-You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.*Friedrich Nietzsche

-After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands.*Friedrich Nietzsche

- Power Corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.*Lord Acton

-Come quickly! I am tasting stars!*Dom Perignon

-You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.*Margaret Thatcher

-"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."*Galileo Galilei

-"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
*Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

-"When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite." Sir Winston Churchill

-In True Love one finds Courage*Asian saying

- To see what is right and not to do it is want of courage.*Confucius

-Silence is a true friend who never betrays*Confucious

Nothing At All

Let the whole world fall away
And fall into my arms
Stay with me
I don't know how long we've got left
And so I'm asking you
To forgive me
I learn as I go
To float far away
Into silence
And just watch your face
And find some kind of grace
In that quiet bliss
Where will we go when we get old
When the bustle and the noise
Get too frightening
When each and every angry word
Is banished to the past
That's when I think…
We'll learn as we go
To float far away
Into silence
And I'll watch your face
And read of patience and grace
In each line there
Will you walk into the grave with me
Will you leave this empty world
Soft and wistful
To sink into the dark, dank earth
And never reappear would be blissful
To float far away
Into eternal space
And God's silence
Where I'll watch your face
And find patience and grace
In each line there
Can I stay and say nothing at all.
Work each day, all for nothing at all.
The few words I say they mean nothing at all.
Drift away into nothing at all.
Find the grace to be nothing at all.
Fade away and end up nothing at all. At all, at all, at all.
-Rob Dougan

Waiting for perfection ...

Sometimes I think too much energy and time has been wasted in my life -waiting for perfection- and excusing anything that comes short as simply not perfect yet so it doesn't matter. Sound goofy? Yeah ... I guess it kinda does. I'll try to explain a little bit ...

I've been interested in Asian painting for a while now ... sumi-e (Japanese) and Chinese brush painting. I've spent a pathetic amount of money on books, brushes, rice paper, ink, ink stones, palettes, and paints. I've sat down and STARTED many things. I have not a single solitary picture that I've actually kept to show for my work and efforts. This is not to say that I've spent hours every day at my painting ... but it is to say that I can't even settle on a single piece as remotedly successful even as a -first work-. I have all kinds of fancy rice paper and stuff for when I finally get good enough to actually -create- something worth saving ... but I haven't even been able to be satisfied with the stuff I've done on my cheaper practice paper. I've saved nothing.

I have gone through almost an entire set of paints, a whole ink stick and a whole roll of practice paper. But when I look at it ... I can't find anything redeeming in what I paint. To me it's all glaring imperfection and it's all trash. I spent time ... really trying to create or follow the instructions but at the end of the time ... I only see trash ... nothing worth saving.

It's the same with my poetry. I will write for a season ... decide that it's mostly all garbage and never share it with anyone. I just throw it away or hide it on my computer and never look at it again. It's never good enough to share. It's never anything that I feel that I can -risk- opening up myself for rejection over ... so I reject it first.

I've decided that my artistic frustration/intolerance/cowardous/criticalness is perhaps symptomatic of the rest of my life. Art is a personal creation ... it's an expression of self right? If we aren't happy with ourselves ... we'll never be happy with our creations. Or at least I think that may be true for me. I tend to view myself the way I view my artistic efforts. I reject myself ... I discount me ... I find the imperfections in me and condemn them and myself ... before anyone else can. If that makes sense. I am not kind to myself. Or perhaps I am too indulgent of mistakes as eraseable. Or maybe I'm too afraid of having my mistakes seen so I try to hide them.

Now perhaps I just lack artistic flare. Perhaps I lack that -something- that allows an artist to be free and creative. But perhaps too, I am simply a coward. I am afraid of just being who I am or of just putting down my interpretation on paper ... because then ... someone can critique it and destroy it. If I'm not brave enough to embrace myself ... AND my artistic work ... then I don't give myself room to experience the joy that is supposed to be found in creating something.

I was thinking ... I don't expect much from me ... and perhaps I don't find anything redeeming in my artwork or poetry because then ... failure hurts less. Insults, critical comments, disagreement seems removed and is less personal. And maybe too ... if I always view things as being painted on a canvas that can simply be thrown away when I screw up (which of course I expect to) then ... I don't always make the best decisions. I don't look at the outcomes as being more important ... when sometimes they certainly are. I tend to view too many things as inevitable failure from the start or something that I can simply ball up and throw away or hide on my computer or in a notebook. I don't want the pressure nor do I have the confidence always for a -live- show. Funny how that seems to be ...

More from the Hagakure ...

A few more interesting passages from the Hagakure ...

A Samurai with no group and no horse is not a samurai at all.
p. 32

In China there once was a man who liked pictures of dragons, and his clothing and furnishings were all designed accordingly. His deep affection for dragons was brought to the attention of the dragon god, and one day a real dragon appeared before his window. It is said that he died of fright. He was probably a man who always spoke big words but acted differently when facing the real thing.
p. 38

There is a way of bringing up the child of a samurai. From the time of infancy one should encourage bravery and avoid trivilally frightening or teasing the child. If a person is affected by cowardice as a child, it remains a lifetime scar. It is a mistake for parents to thoughtlessly make their children dread lightening, or to have them not go into dark places, or to tell them frightening things in order to stop them from crying. Furthermore, a child will become timid if he is scolded severely.
One should not allow bad habits to form. After a bad habit is ingrained, although you admonish the child he will not improve. As for such things as proper speaking and good manners, gradually make the child aware of them. Let him not know avariance. Other than that, if he is of normal stature, he should develop wll by the way he is brought up.
Moreover, the child of parents who have a bad relationship will be unfillial. This is natural. Even the birds and beasts are affected by what they are used to seeing and hearing from the time they are born. Also, the relationship between father and child may deteriorate because of a mother's foolishness. A mother loves her child above all things, and will be partial to the childn who is corrected by his father. If she becomes the child's ally, there will be discord between father and son. Because of the shallowness of her mind, a woman sees the chld as her support in old age.
P. 40

To hate injustice and stand on righteousness is a difficult thing. Furthermore, to think that being righteous is the best you can do and to do one's utmost to be righteous will, on the contrary, bring many mistakes. The Way is a higher place then righteousness. This is very difficult to discover, but it is the highest wisdom. When seen from this standpoint, things like righteousness are rather shallow. If one does not understand this on his own, it cannot be known. There is a method of getting to this Way, however, even if one cannot discover it by himself. This is found in consulting with others. Even a person who has not attained the Way sees others from the side. It is like the saying from the game of go: "He who sees from the side has eight eyes." The saying, "Thought by thought, we see our own mistakes", also means that the highest Way is in discussions with others. Listening to the old stories and reading books are for the purpose of sloughing off one's own discriminations and attaching oneself to that of the ancients.
p.26

It's this last quote that reminded me most of the Bible. Though the "Way" spoke of is the Way of the Samurai - Bushido ... I find some applicable parallels to the Bible as the Way in these words. I was first reminded of Romans, Chapter 7.

7What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet."8 But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. 9Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.
11For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. 13Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

I then thought of this passage
All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away. (Isaiah 64:6)

For the sake of brevity ~laughs~ I'll not include the entire text of an interesting page I found but will reference it here, for any who are interested - Filthy Rags

Basically what I thought was interesting is the fact that the samurai, Yamamoto Tsunetomo comes to the same conclusion in some respects as the writers of the Bible. In our own strength ... in our own way ... righteousness apart from God -- THE WAY is not enough. Even someone who doesn't know the Lord can see the Lord in us. Can learn of the Lord THROUGH us ... and can come to learn of THE TRUE WAY. Our own indignation at injustice is not enough nor is our own resolve to do what is right. Invariably ... we fail on our own power when it comes to executing righteousness. THE WAY of the Lord is far above our righteousness and often defies our understanding ... consider Cubbie's discussions on Dark Grace or Helen's ponderings of the Lord's directives.

While I don't subscribe to the believe that the highest Way is in discusisons with others ... I do agree that discussion can be challenging and enlightening in terms of understanding what the Lord is saying to us and in hearing His voice. It can also come by personal enlightenment however, sometimes our discussions based on personal enlightenment can round out what we believe that the Lord is privately speaking to us. And of course lastly, reading the Bible and scholars of the past is our way of putting off our own discriminations and learning THE WAY that those who walked with the Lord understood.

Just a little food for thought ...

It's Done ...

So ... it's done. The pinkness is gone ... and I'm bald. I can't begin to describe the chorus of emotions that are clamouring inside of me. I can't explain how exposed I feel ... how naked ... how ugly actually.

I can't take it back though ... so I find a way now to mush forward. It's been far more of a sacrifice than I thought. Far more. It was a good week though ... lots of fun with friends ... so much goofing around and joking that tonight was all the more shocking I guess, in it's stark anti-climatic finish. Zip ... it's gone. No novelty ... nothing to deflect the shock ... just ... nothing. ~soft smile~

I'm sure I'll finish my crying by the end of the week ... and it's certainly pushing me to find perspective. There are so many more important things in the world than hair right? So many more crucial things that how someone looks. I am guessing it's easier somehow when a really gorgeous person shaves their hair ... because they still have lots of physical bonuses ... I however am not loaded with physical bonuses to compensate ... yeah ... tough night.

Two last pictures of the pink mohawk crew ... for posterity ...

Classic!

No one says it quit the way Dennis Miller does!

And ... I'm Back!

It's been a heck of a week here ... lots going on ... and finally ... midori is finished WOOT! On friday RJ and I went to have the rest of my tat done which took about 6 hours and then headed up to the mountians to spend a couple of days with 3 other couples we work with. The pic on the left is from friday ... Shane really gets into his work! ~laughing~

It was cool to get to spend time talking to him ... he has been regularly going to church and he loved the bible we got him. It's neat to see what the Lord is doing in his life!

We had a great time in the moutians ... aside from the pain of my tat. We got lots of strange looks from people in Black Mountain with our strange, unconventional hair but it was cool to have some fellowship with our co-workers. We don't get much of a chance to hang out together so it was great to get to let our hair down.

We are reaching the countdown phase to our trip to Myrtle Beach for the missions trip over July 4th. Hopefully that will go well. I am sure I"ll have more to share later today ... just trying to get my bearings right now.

Bright blessings ya'll!

It's Just hair ... right? right??? RIGHT?????

Ok ... so ... that's me. Yeah ... ~coughs~ tonight ... at 1:02am. Sometimes there just aren't any words are there? I can only imagine your retinas burning on Thursday when you tune in for my lastest bizarro post and find this! ~laughing~

My hair is fast going ... on Monday ... it all goes. Until then ... it's a mostly pink mohawk that has succeded in making me look even more nutty than I even imagined. ~smiles~

Why the hair cut? No, no, no ... I'm not headed to rehab like Brittany or anything ... and no I wasn't cutting out my spectacular hair extensions. I shaved my head in support of one of the ladies that we work with here. She has breast cancer and is losing her hair this week. I have been wrestling with this for a while. I knew that I felt like I was supposed to cut it ... but I wasn't sure that I could really make myself do it. You guys might remember when my Mom had cancer ... I told her then ... that when the time came, that I'd shave my head with her so that she wouldn't have to go through being bald alone. She never ended up losing all of her hair because her chemo was cut short.

For a woman I can think of no more difficult thing than losing one's hair. You know ... a woman's hair is her glory and all that stuff ... and Lord knows that men love a woman's hair. So in addition to the fight for your life, when you have breast cancer especially ... including all of the trauma of losing your breast ... you lose the beauty of your hair. No changing your mind ... no turning back ... nothing. If you go with modern treatment ... the hair goes.

When I told our co-worker, Marisa that I was going to shave my head to support her ... that it would be a reminder every day to pray for her and to remember just a tiny piece of what she is going through ... I think she was really shocked ... but touched. Hopefully it will offer her some measure of comfort or ease that we will be bald together and we can share fashion head ware! ~smiles~ I am not stupid enough to think that cutting one's hair means that one understands what it's like to have cancer ... the fears or the struggles ... I know it doesn't mean that I understand anything but one single vanity. But I do know what it's like to be told that you have cancer ... in my case, I was blessed that it was a misdiagnosis. I know what it's like to have someone you love struggle with cancer, and people you love die from cancer. It's a horrible disease. No doubt. But ... I can make a gesture of support ... so ... I can't take it back now ... .

We aren't allowed to have radical color in our hair for work or anything like that ... so I colored it pink - for breast cancer awareness ... it was my way of trying to have some fun and work my way up to the big loss. Tonight I took the second step and had the sides and back completely shaved to a mohawk. Dan and RJ both shaved their hair into mohawks also in support. It was pretty funny actually. This weekend we are all going up to the mountain house for a get away weekend (with 4 couples from work) and then ... on Monday before we return to work, I'll have to shave this off and pretty much keep it covered until it grows out a bit.

And update on -Konnichiwa- : Shane had to cancel our appointment last week to finish her. He was sick, but we are supposed to finish up on Friday before we head up to the mountain house. He did tell me on the phone last week that he has started going to church! I was so excited about that ... I went and got him a new bible from RJ and I ... hopefully it will be used! He was very excited and we talked a while about all that has been going on with him. He is really happy with the church he is going to ... it's a non-denominational church in Greensboro and he feels VERY accepted there.

I'll try to write more tommorrow and bring everyone up to date on the rest of everything that's been going on. I've been off my blogging lately ... hopefully I'll get my groove back!

Monique ...

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