Finding my glasses

So I realized today that I've made a good number of mistakes in my life ... but probably the most critical one was letting go of the very true and genuine people who have loved me for me in my life. I have spent so much time in self hate it's ironic to me how far I have pushed away those who have always truly loved me far beyond what they could see with human eyes. I have spent so much time wishing for a love and exceptance that won't come from anyone but God ... and I have lost so much of the love that I was blessed with ... because of my own self loathing and my own hurts.

It's been almost 10 years since Rich(RJ) and I have attended church. It's been almost 10 years since I've really talked to God. Amazing really. Today, I sat down and started looking for people as they came across my mind or in my heart ... people that I had lost touch with over time. And ... I started calling them ... I don't even really know why. It seems silly sometimes to say ... "Hi, haven't talked to you in 10 years, just wanted to say hey" but I think it's a start. Maybe.

I called Randy Miller who is a Pastor up in Cherokee. It seems like yesturday He was knocking on our door and grinning like a slightly mad man and inviting us (Leanne & I) to church. He sure did know way more than she and I did at the time about what God was up to. I sure hope His conversion experiences with others have been easier than the one He had to deal with, with me!

I called Helen and Johnny ... I can't quite explain the shame I feel at not having been in touch with them more. They have been the best friends that Rich and I have had together and we haven't laid eyes on them in over three years. And have talked not nearly enough. It always amazes me though that when we do talk ... we can dive right in to what is going on at the moment ... without having to have a lot of catch up ... it's like things just pick up where they left off. I am so thankful for that!

I called Juan today. It was great to talk to him and hear news about the family. So hard for me to realize that Andrew has already graduated from Highschool and is living on His own in Chicago. Holy cow kids grow up!

I called Billy & Julie and Andrew & Dar but wasn't able to get in touch with either of them. Hopefully I'll hear back from them in the next few days. It's pathetic that we live an hour from Charlotte and it's been years and years since I've seen or talked to them. Hopefully that will change.