What's in it for us?

Mostly Tuesday mornings are a massive pain at work ... we have copious amounts of paperwork to complete ... tons of i's to dot and t's to cross ... but yesturday something amazing happened ...

at 4:45am 5 of my boys got up ... showered, dressed, made their beds, cleaned their rooms, completed their chores, and walked out of the cottage with RJ at 5:15am to be a Men's Prayer by 6am. MY BOYS! The same ones who always want to know what's in it for them ... where are their interests served. The same boys who normally are so battered and conditioned by life to look out for themselves ... the same ones who often barely drag out of bed for the 7:25am school bus. The same ones who are just coming to know God in any way shape or form ... who consistently have made horrible decisions about their lives ... who have been in jail ... been regular drug users ... been in gangs ... have frequently had sex in the bathroom AT SCHOOL with their girlfriends ... who fight way way WAY more than they know how to walk away ... who have professed atheism ... one who was at one time practicing Satanic worship ... who have been abused ... abandoned ... been victimizers & victims ... . The same ones who were up late on Monday night after their opening Basketball team loss ... who in their minds have EVERY reason in the world to be selfish ...

they were up at 4:45am to go to intercessory prayer with the RealMen group at our church, C3Greensboro. They were downing coffee like seasoned veterans and they were praying and sharing what they felt God put on their hearts with 56 other grown men ... most of whom are phenominal prayer warriors. And they were happy and excited to be there ...

I remember those days of all night prayer in college ... the mornings at the Baptist church downtown Boone when we would drag in and pray ... and be happy to be there and praying ...

and then I look at myself now and i wonder ... what happened to that joy ... that excitement when we had a chance to meet with God ... that sense of expectation and wonder and awe that He would speak to us ... instruct us ... answer us ... hold us ... challenge us ...

and then I look at my boys ... and I am humbled ... and I wonder ...

When did growing up mean growing stale with God ... growing apathetic ... growing fat and lazy spiritually ... growing selfish ... sitting around wondering what I was going to get out of worship or church or the message. Looking for MY prophetic word or MY encouragement ... ?? When did it become ok to wallow ... to throw my own "it's just not fresh anymore" pity parties ... indulging my flesh when I wanted to and then having the audacity to turn around and whine because God just wasn't motivating me any more.

I look at my boys ... and I realize it's all a matter of choice. Would I fight harder if it was my life on the line or the lives of those I love. Yes of course I would ... so why don't I see the urgency in my life??? Why is it so easy to tell myself that it's just a day ... no big deal ... ? Why is it now ok in my life to be so casual with God that I refuse to let that sense of urgency and purpose rise up in me and roar? We used to live with it ... used to let it guide us ... used to let it push us to stay up late ... risk rejection ... deny ourselves ...

Now I feel like some old glory days athelete looking back and talking about "when we were on fire" ... and reliving those stories of exploits and daring as though it's all I have to my spiritual credit. When did risks just not become worth it ... ? When did I decide to just ... be grown, settled, and content with the status quo? When did I become so important to myself that my comfort and my -needs- and my feelings supercede my need to press INTO God and fight the good fight?

I wonder about it all ... then think about the looks on the faces of my ragtag boys as they get excited about the privledge of getting up at 4:45am to go pray ...

Caroline