Just a glimpse

So I'm still working on coming to terms with the new hair do thingie ... ~laughs~ Sometimes I'm ok with it and sometimes I'm thinking ... what have I done to myself. I've not come as far as I'd like in the self esteem department and believe me ... not having any hair as a woman is SOMETHING to overcome all by itself.

The strangest thing is ... I hate the feeling and I look at pictures and think ... "who is that woman" but other people CONSTANTLY tell me that I should keep it cut really short. I am thinking to myself ... "what in the world is wrong with you people???" It just doesn't feel like me yet but I have a feeling that by the time it DOES feel like me ... it will have grown out tremendously!

In the meantime ... I just remind myself how short my showers are and how much money I am saving on expensive shampoo and conditioner. ~laughing~ I have never been one to be overly fixated on looks ... maybe because I've never felt like I had anything much to offer in the looks department but boy let me tell you ... vanity takes on a whole new perspective when you are trying real hard not to look like you are batting for the -other team- so to speak. I find myself wearing much more feminine things ... less bulky t'shirts and more makeup and jewlery just so I won't be mistaken for some boy or some well ... *coughs* you know.

It's all been an adventure of sorts and I've been blessed with many affirming friends so I am very thankful! It's been a busy few weeks here at the house but I am hoping that things will settle down soon. We can't keep this all night long every night pace up forever, to be sure! We go back to work on Tuesday and I am sure it's going to be some more adjustments there as we got new boys in during the last week while we've been off.

You guys please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We love you all very much and miss you more than you can imagine. Soon guys ... we have to stop talking and start really planning to get together. I need dates ... I can make the arrangements but you guys need to start giving me real dates that you can get together so we can make this happen! We have access to the mountain home in Black Mountain, right outside of Asheville for mega cheap - $200 a week total with sleeping facilities for 19 and a kitchen to cook all our meals in. It has a huge back screened and glassed in porch with windows that open out the entire length and sides of it. It's a fantastic place with great location and enough solitude to really enjoy yourself. Alternatively ... we can always go the beach route and I can look into getting a place during the fall when the rent is cheaper for a week down there should everyone's schedule permit. Just let me know so I can get to working on it.

There's one in every house!

This is my baby Craver. He was a feral kitten, literally dying the day our boys found him outside the cottage. He was captured (they thought this was a generous thing) because he couldn't outrun our boys due to his pitiful condition. They came bursting into the cottage proudly holding this little ball of fluff that was so encrusted with congestion that his nose was totally sealed over with it and both eyes were nearly glued shut. He could barely breathe and he was terrified.

At the time we already had 5 cats and were NOT in the market for an addition to the family but one look at the poor thing and it was clear ... he was about 24 hours away from being history. So ... of course, we went into emergency vet mode, drug out all of our kitten saving supplies, cleaned the poor thing's face, and started dropper feeding him. He was between 3 and 4 weeks old then. He made it through the first night but it was fairly clear he wasn't going to last without serious meds so it was another HUGE chunk of change down the tubes for unexpected vet bills and viola ... the boy is a fighter! He survived.

And now ... we live in the constant grips of STORM CRAVER. I have never had such a hyper adolescent cat! He will be 1 in the late fall and I am telling you ... he is a destruction machine! ~laughing~ Feral cats are difficult to socialize and maintain if they are more than 6 weeks old when they are handled by humans. If they are even as much as 8 to 10 weeks old it's a good bet they will never be totally socialized at all. We've had good luck with both of our straight out of the wild ferals ... mostly due to the fact that we have so many socialized cats already that do must of the work keeping the little dickens in line! Young Master Craver however is just the epitome of -teenage- boy. He is filled with boundless energy that few of our more older and sedate cats appreciate. He compensates for their lack of zeal by waging intricate and highly technical sneak attacks on the most unsuspecting of them ... relying craftily on his ultra stealth and wiry speed to extract him from the claws of some of our more substantial babies who would happily rip him to bits like an inviting couch cushion if they could only maneuver their bulk with half his speed. He lives to spy the unsuspecting elder just lounging in the sun partaking in a few moments of their normal 20 hours of sleep a day ... and then moves in for the trauma. He lives for chaos and the ensuing grand mal proportion seizure he inspires in his unsuspecting victims seems to be his sustaining addiction. My poor babies.

Nothing is safe from my maniac boy ... he equal opportunity attacks wall hangings, boxes, dirty clothes, claw posts, my chair, the blinds ... you name it. Cats are suposed to sleep around 20 hours a day but I am thinking he has a secret stash of caffiene that he's mainlining these days. Add to that ... our second youngest, Nala (we believe his sister from another litter) is in heat and now ... he's discovered sex drive. We can't get her fixed when she is in a heat cycle so that's added a whole new element to the mix ... ~laughing~

I guess this was just the long way of saying ... I can't get any sleep ... Storm Craver is in full effect and there is no place I can hide. I put Nala in the room with me to protect her virtue and she squals like no tommorrow cause she NEEDS! I put Craver in the room with me to leave Nala unmolested and everything that can even be remotely mistaken for a toy is fodder for his limitless energy and if he can find nothing else ... he plants himself on my legs and chases his tail ... for HOURS. I am so tired ... ~pitiful whine inserted here~ ....

oh ... did I mention we cheered the sun up again this morning after a night of devastating spades ... experimental mojitos and melonballs, serious amounts of pizza, cheesecake, dr. pepper, and *coughs* Marlboros. Yes ... I started smoking at the end of last summer ... *sighs* ... we can discuss my quitting another day. Right now ... I feel the little hairs standing up on the back of my neck and I have this sinking feeling that something is about to jump on me ...

It's all good!

WOW ... I've been so busy lately that I am totally slacking in blog land. Kinda selfish of me in the sense that I feel deprived if you guys don't blog every day ... not that I assume that you're reading MY blog every day ... but I can't demand more than I'm willing to give ... right? ~grins~

Anyways ... we've had a great last few weeks ... a challenging but promising group of boys at the cottage ... a fantastic house guest and spades so hard core that someone might get a contusion one of these nights in the heat of the battle! ~laughing~ We've had some of our old residents come back to visit ... one of our cat's fathers on an extended visit ... more old friends coming this weekend ... a room to paint ... lots of socializing to do ... church ... jujitsu ... and did I mention spades?

In the midst of it all ... of the goodness and the blessed reprieve from my own desert slough ... I did find myself this morning with an I wish list. Not that I'm discontent ... just that I have a few longings that I really hope get fulfilled ... I'd like to think that doesn't mean I'm greedy! ~winks~

My wish list ...

*Reaffirming our wedding vows on our 10th anniversary in December with the Rev. Kevin Thomasson officiating and just our friends present ...

*One long balmy but not hot night on a porch (beach or mountains) with one pipe, two double old fashioned glasses, one bottle of Caol Ila, plenty of 7-up on ice, a pack of Nat Sherman's, some good Scots-Irish music, and conversation with my friend Reed Thomas ... I don't think there is anyone I'd enjoy that time with more ...

*One really balls-to-the-wall Boston trip with Molly and Dan and RJ complete with Fenway Park, a dip in the north Atlantic ... and all the other trimmings ...

*One weekend getaway for just the girls with Jan, Helen, Dar, Cindy, and Julie ... no kids and enough cash to do some impulse spending!

*An endless supply of Brouwerij Westvleteren (Sint-Sixtusabdij van Westvleteren), a beach house, one long weekend, great deck chairs, and Greg and Dan to discuss the finner points of BEER while I just sit at the feet of the Masters and take notes ~laughing~ I can not imagine what the two of them could unearth about beer, life, and quantum physics ...

*A missions trip to Asia with RJ, John & Helen, Dan & Molly, Greg & Jan, Andrew & Dar, Kevin & Christina, Kevin & Bond, Brian & Ashely (RJ's jujitsu sensei & his wife), Shane & Rachel, Rodney & Kim, and Reed & Tab ... I can NOT imagine what an amazing time that would be!

*An afternoon spying on John, Kevin, Reed, Rodney, and Andrew with their kids at the park ... with NO wives present ... ~laughing~ This image just cracks me up for some reason!

*A Shama Shama throw down night of prayer, praise, and ministry with all of the above mentioned folks ... plus THE RICKY, Nick, Monique, Baily, Caleb, and any of the other kids who can stay up that long!

These are just a few ... and I will note that I exercised CONSIDERABLE restraint in not listing Starbucks in any of my wishes *grins* ...

Anyways ... anyone else have a few to add?

The Fourth of July

Sometimes the best times come in the most unexpected packages or places. Yesturday we spent the day with Ricky, Sheri (his daughter), Tori (his daughter), Shane, Rachel, Nick, and Dan. We went to the church picnic in the park first and then headed back to Shane and Rachel's place. The guys got fresh cuts and we braved huge crowds to go watch fireworks at the lake. I think it was a lake ... we never got close enough to see the water! ~laughs~ Later, the fuzz busted up our home fireworks display due to the lateness of the hour but we had a great day none the less. Check out the montage if you wanna see the pics!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My finished Midori

Okay ... finally a real finished picture of my girl. The kanji on the side represent loyalty and passion.

I'm already wondering if there is anything else that I can get! ~laughing~ Actually I think RJ will be next with more work on his back and probably some Warrior stuff added to his arms ... should be pretty neat ... some of the coolest stuff is done in black and grey so I am thinking that's what he'll do.

*Update on the tattoo shop deal with Shane ... we went to look at the place that we believe that God is going to be opening up the doors for ... it was FAR and ABOVE anything to do with the current shop that has fallen through for Shane's shop. One of the things I spoke to he and Rachel about on Sunday was that the current shop is too secluded ... there isn't a way to easily socialize which I believe is going to be a huge part of Shane's ministry use of his business. Shane would be isolated in the back behind two closed doors. The place we looked at tonight has an OPEN floor plan with perfect space for EVERY THING! The plumbing is even already done to accomidate their needs! And perfect places to chill and share with folks who come back to just connect a little bit. We prayed last night that if the current shop wasn't the place that God would give us HIS best ... not what we thought was best ... and tonight ... well ... let's just say ... GOD IS GOOD all the time! We all joined hands and prayed at the new place tonight and asked that if this was the place ... that He would deliver it into Shane's hands and that Shane would give every effort within it to Him. It was amazing. Shane and Ricky were both in tears. Good stuff ...

Wine, Pipes, Tattoos and other objectionable things ...

I considered starting out this post saying ... "So I was sitting on the porch the other night sipping a glass of wine while RJ smoked his pipe and we discussed our newest plans for tattoos ... " but that wouldn't be the truth so I'll just say ... I imagined the scenario in the course of reading several other blogs recently ...

Which started me thinking about the -rules- so to speak. When we were in college (and over 21) several of us would have considered it a big issue or a matter of concern if someone were drinking. It was semi-considered a -sign- of trouble ... a hint of a deeper problem ... a rebellion of sorts. Same with smoking a cigar, pipe, or cigarette and well, tattoos hadn't come into fashion really so much yet so that wasn't something I think that we thought much about. You guys remember how it was though ... you didn't just tell people you had a tasty dark ale while watching a great old movie like Casablanca last night on TV ... either you didn't mention it at all which held a sort of hidden shame or deliciousness or you announced it boldly and dared someone to question it and still probably felt some sort of inner turmoil about it -- maybe secretly wondering whether it was really ok or not. The whole -what's my motivation- ruthless self examination that we constantly engaged in -- some for the good, some for the bad.

At any rate ... the -rules-. I used to think the rules were good. I used to think they were NECESSARY ... INTREGAL ... in the life of a Christian ... ESPECIALLY a young Christian. After all, if we didn't help them out with all the rules, they might slide right on back into sin ... not part from their evil friends and lifestyles and well, we truly cared for them so what gift did we give? RULES. Not grace and teaching and understanding about personal conviction and God's power to hold and mold those who give themselves to HIM ... but RULES.

Rules are safe -- right? Rules help you know where the boundaries are and help you to avoid trouble. Rules keep us on the path. To a point, that's very true. Parents laydown rules for children in order to nurture, discipline, and teach them the right paths and the safe roads. Funny thing is ... most of the time ... you don't see children in a group setting dictating too many rules on other children. Now occassionally you might get the "ohhhhhhhhh you aren't supposed to do that" from some child or another but who told them? It usually isn't enlightened advice peer to peer that sticks with young children. It's PARENTAL advice, guidance, and voice that molds and impacts young children most. Yes, there are exceptions and bad behavoir is certainly imitated among young kids but GOOD behavior and modeling comes from a parental figure ... not a peer figure.

As a child grows up ... then they are more inclined to take advice from peers than their parents and often suffer for those mistakes. Then ... eventually they get to be adults and realize how brilliant their parents actually were and have a whole new level of respect for them. Right?

What I'm driving at here is ... I think too often ... we jump in to play God in the lives of new or young Christians ... weighing them down with OUR rules ... taught to US other by other peers or in some cases by a personal conviction of our Father Authority figure - the Lord. We fail many times to consider that our rules MIGHT not be someone else's rules. We are so anxious to see success as WE perceive it that we want to do God's job for Him, you know ... give Him a hand in taking care of the flock. What we don't realize is that many times we burden young Christians with the rules that seem important to us but that are superficial to the Lord. Speak to a new Christian about the Lord's heart ... speak to him about learning to hear the Lord's voice in his Bible and private times ... and you are equipping him FAR more effectively than our list of Judeo-Christian socially accepted mores and rules. Sometimes in spite of all our lip service to God's power, we behave as though He is incapable of holding, keeping, or maintaining His own. Ultimately we forget that GOD is in control and that we aren't always needed as the well meaning but self appointed police force / parental brigade to new Christians.

This is not to say that I don't think accountability is important but if all your accountability relationship with someone is ... is rules ... then it's hardly as effective and meaningful as it's supposed to be. Accountability asks a person if God has spoken to them on a matter and asks what God's heart might be on a matter ... RULES ... well ... they just give rigid marks that are often more obstacle oriented than grace oriented.

I see a great deal more merit these days in allowing God's power and grace to do the convicting on a believer's life than imparting or inflicting MY rules ... maybe even my God given rules upon them. For example ... our friends Shane and Rachel. If you've been following my blog you know who they are. Shane is a new Christian who just gave his life to the Lord about 2 months ago. He doesn't know alot of the rules yet and frankly, I thank god for that. If someone had grabbed Shane the day he got saved and said, you know, you are living in sin with Rachel and you guys have to cut that out or you won't be right with God, I think it would have changed the course of his entire walk with God so far.(Shane was married prior and they can't get married until all the court stuff is finished, but they absolutely plan on it) It would have certainly been a burden, a worry, and a source of great conflict in his new life with the Lord. Instead, people ministered love, acceptance, and grace to him. They have started teaching him about the nature of God and about how to hear the Lord's voice, both in the Bible and his private times with God. He didn't get ruled to death ... literally ... in the midst of his new life. Interesting thing is ... without all those rules, he is making changes in his life and lifestyle. He is editing his language for example ... not because he was told to but because God is living inside of him and is convicting him. The Lord is doing the work ... not man's rules.

The funny thing to me is ... if you read what our friends are saying now ... they seem to enjoy their liberty in the Lord while not taking advantage of it. Their hearts are keen and open to the Lord ... their relationships with Him are intimate. They love with GRACE ... not the hand of authority or RULE ... they minister grace, forgiveness, and compassion while imparting deep truths that truly help through life's tough challenges and faith crises. They take the time to ask "What's God sayign to you about this" or to share their own struggles and lessons the Lord has shown them ... and less time telling me that my glass of wine is the gateway to damnation and that no self respecting God-fearing Christian woman would have a tattoo. They minister WHO God is ... NOT requirements for righteousness that God may or may not have given them ... they know now that in light of requirements and rules ... we all fall short. They understand more that grace is the extension that gives us hope, that gives us LIFE ... and that causes us to truly grow in the Lord and in HIS freedom.

Good gravy I am a babbler!

A Heck of a Day at Sea ...

So the last 48 hours have been quite a ride but you know ... that really IS how God rolls ... never predictable ... always astounding! Check out RJ's blog for the lowdown on church Sunday ... it was phenominal!

The REST of the story is that after our long lunch with Shane and Rachel we went home and I started researching their case through the North Carolina Real Estate Commission. I crafted a letter for him to send to his realator and we are believing for supernatural favor in the entire situation. Whether it's a new building that is more condusive to ministry or it's the existing building that gets re-zoned. We spent all day on Monday at the existing shop (not open for business) with Shane and Ricky and tons of people who just dropped by to check on the status of the shop, sorting receipts and working on our strategy. We dropped letters off at the real estate office AND sent them certified mail so please please please be praying.

The coolest thing was getting to SEE the changes that the Lord has made in Shane in EVERY way. He was sharing the Lord with everyone who came around ... not in a pushy way but in an -I am completely unashamed and committed- way. He has a friend that we met a few years ago named Red who is very close to him and VERY VERY anti-Christian on the surface. He is bitter and angry and defensive ... but honestly, when I see him ... I see a hurt little child who is afraid that he is going to lose all his friends to God. I think he was trying to be kinda hostile towards us yesturday but I didn't see it ... all I could see was hurt and fear. Shane just took him around back and talked to him about God and it was really fantastic. Red is afraid that he will lose all his friends and you know ... he's afraid of what he'd have to change and all that to be a Christian but ... it's clear, God is walking him down.

Anyways ... along with all our time at the shop working on the financial stuff ... we hooked up with one of our former residents, Nick. We have had many kids that impacted our lives over the last 3 years but I don't think anyone has touched us in quite the way that Nick did. We STILL have a picture of Nick on the fridge at the cottage. When he came to us he had long hair, he was angry, smoking lots of dope, and completely resistant. He was with us an unusual 119 ... we are only supposed to have them for 60 days but this really worked out in a fantastic way for us to ge to keep him so long. Long story sorta short, he returned to his family but still struggled with a number of issues and ended up going to Job Corps for a while but he has never really -found- his place so to speak.

We reconnected with him about a year ago through myspace which we frequently use to try to keep up with some of our kids ... but we only just exchanged a few messages in passing. He was busy and well you know ... one's former house parents may tend to cramp one's style. Anyways ... a few weeks ago I was reading his myspace and realized that he had enlisted in the United States Marine Corps and would be leaving soon. I sat and cried when I read it ... for a number of reasons ... pride and fear mostly I suppose. Of course the military has a very special place in my heart but it's always personal for me when we know someone going in. At any rate, we messaged Nick to get in touch with us and finally exchanged numbers and agreed to meet before he leaves in a couple of weeks. Well he called yesturday as we were leaving to go to the shop, so RJ went to pick him up while I met up with Shane and Ricky to start work.

During the course of our time hanging out and working I realized that Nick had already quit his job to go into the Corps but his departure date had been delayed. He was living in an apartment with no electricity and had been for two weeks. He didn't even have a job so I have no idea how he was eating ... he's already too skinny! ~laughs~ ... I had a quick conference with RJ which essentially consisted of me saying ... "Rich, Nick's electricity has already been turned off and he has been living there for two weeks with no phone and no electric" ... to which RJ responded by looking at Nick and saying, "So you'll be staying with us for a few weeks huh?". God, I love that man! Soooooooooo we have a house guest for a couple of weeks until he leaves for MEPS ... I am so happy to have him here ... he's a great young man now at 19 and he's so excited about going into the Corps. I believe that he is making a great decision for himself and that he needs this to gain a sense of accomplishment that he hasn't been able to attain previously.

The pic is of RJ and Nick this morning in front of the house. The way the Lord works ... it's indeed mysterious sometimes. Pray for us please ... for the tattoo ministry ... for Nick getting ready to go ... and that we will have the chance to say the things that God would have us say to Nick during this time before he goes.

I love you guys!