Bringing a weekend Warrior to a professional Fight ...

It's been a tough few weeks ... tougher than most ... when I haven't really understood the reason why. Things have been screwy in ways that make no sense and have left me questioning every emotion I feel and every -interpretation- of other's words that I perceive. Any break down in communication that could go wrong, has gone wrong. It's divide and conquer at it's simpliest ... yet most effective. I finally talked to Hoddie yesturday and the pieces just started falling together as we spoke. After we got off the phone, I heard God say ... this Caroline, is what happens when you bring a weekend Warrior to a professional fight. Can I say - ugh ... it was a kick in the gut. One that I sorely needed.

I was reminded of the movie 300 ... it's out on video now if you didn't have a chance to see it in the theaters. There is a scene at the beginning of the movie when the 300 Spartans are leaving out with Leonidas towards the Gates of Thermopalye ... and they meet up with their fellow countrymen, the Arkadians. Their leader complains forcefully that Leonidas only brought 300 men and that the Spartan contribution was not nearly as great as their own. Leonidas responds to the accusations:

Spartan King Leonidas: You there! What is your profession? [points to Arkadian soldier behind Daxos]
Arkadian soldier #1: A potter, sir.
Spartan King Leonidas: Hm... and you, Arkadian - what is your profession? [points to another soldier]
Arkadian soldier #2: I'm a blacksmith, sir.
Spartan King Leonidas: [turns to his soldiers] Spartans! What is your profession?
Spartans: Harooh! Harooh! Harooh! [simultaneous, followed and preceded by immediate silence]
Spartan King Leonidas: [turning to Daxos] You see, old friend? I brought more soldiers than you did.

Spartans were born for battle, bred for battle, and trained for battle every day of their lives. They were soliders first and all else a distant second. Battle was in their soul ... they were fearless, merciless, and unflinching in the face of the enemy.

I have been an Arkadian in a Spartan needed battle. We are in our own -Hot Gates- right now and I've been a mild mannered CCW by day and a sometimes reckless solider at night. THIS battles calls for the Spartan in me ... and I have responded with an out of shape, poorly equipped Arkadian. There is no excuse. There is no pacifying answer.

For such a time as this ... it is time to lay down the toys ... and take up the seriousness of the call ,.. on this earth AND in the heavenlies! I know that it's time to echo the words and sentiment of Leonidas in this battle - "This is where we hold them. This is where we fight. This is where they die. ... Give them nothing! But take from them everything!" And the words of Queen Gorgo - "Freedom is not free, it requires great sacrifice. The price is paid in blood."

It's true, our blood price has been paid ... but that does not mean that there is no demand upon us to fight for the freedom to claim the victory Jesus won. We have battles to wage in the heavenlies for the souls of those who would know HIM and be HIS ... these battles aren't over in an hour and they aren't always pretty. That which is free for the taking from our Savoir cost Him everything ... how can I be willing to pay less of a price.

We sit and speak of spiritual things ... so casually ... so cavalierly as though it's just some simple little moment or two of prayer. The attack is real. The battle is real. And my own casual non-challance has brought me to my knees rather than on my feet ... sword and shield at the ready. My talk is the cheapest of rags this day ... it's training day ... today ... and every day. Though they make their bed in hell ... we will go after them ... praying for them ... reaching to them ... interceeding on their behalf ... standing in the gap ... head bloodied but un bowed ....

It's time to live the words ...

Take my quiz!

~laughing~ too funny! I found this goofy quiz thing and made one since I can't sleep for some reason ... thanks Jan for hitting it up! It just was one of those silly things I had so much fun doing ... anyone else up for creating one? I am down for getting quizzed on you guys! Pulllllleasssssssseeeeeeeeeee???? (NO I am not getting paid to solict traffic ~snickers~) I just thought it was fun and I REALLY needed a laugh today!

Ever just felt tired and frustrated?

~laughs~ Nawwww ... not you guys! ~sighs~ I am so tired right now ... my house is a wreck and I feel like all I do is clean up after cats. For someone who is NOT a reknowned housekeeper it stinks to begin with ... but to feel like you are cleaning up constantly after ANIMALS is another. Don't get me wrong ... I love my babies but ... holy enchilada batman ... they make such a mess. I'm not talking about the hair ... I'm talking about the fact that since we only LIVE in this house half the month ... it's THEIR house! Which means when we are gone ... they have full run of the joint ... and the STRANGEST things are treasures to a cat. I have walked around my house tonight picking up hair bows, Christmas bows (BIG FAVORITE), milk tops, bottle caps, assorted pieces of fluff, 47 hundred pre-made cat toys, cellophane wraps, bits of toilet paper and paper towels (yes they shredded an ENTIRE roll this week but that's usual), match sticks, ... pretty much every stupid thing under the sun and THEY have the audacity to sit and watch me and look offended that I am fooling with their supreme organizational masterpiece.

We have Nick in the guest room so there is stuff in boxes lining the hall of my already small house ... we pack and unpack every week so that's a chore in and of itself ... there are laundry baskets everywhere ... there were dirty dishes to tackle from when we left last week ... those STUPID 12 can boxes that soda come in to crush, a million and one pieces of junk mail to wade through after I JUST did that ... floors (only one room in our house is carpeted, all the rest are hardwood floors) to be cleaned that I haven't gotten to yet, a kitchen floor that NEVER looks clean because of course, it's the site of the daily, nay hourly cat fest complete with halftime food soccer and goalie action for entertainment, the fridge needs cleaning out ... AGAIN because of course I bought food we didn't eat and it's gone bad, cabinets to try to fit MORE food into and new drinking glasses with almost NO space ... books to put away with maxed out bookshelves ... strange fluids to clean up on the floors because cats throw up and they like to share that with as many rooms as possible (WHILE doing it ... so that everyone else can see the spectacularness of their show), a leaking toilet that I have to get fixed, NO room in the bathroom and about a jillion things to put away ... and ... I'm overwhelmed.

Add to that ... a new crack in our brand new car's windshield to get replaced, a great deal of personal crises and frustrations with our friends here ... trying to get to see my Mom and Dad sometime in the next century and already overwhelming fall plans ...

I would love to cry but there are no tears. I have been on two -emergency- errands this week to help out friends that live like ... 40 mins away ... and that has been taxing as well as just watching people we love struggle. I feel like Satan is just standing over the pot of our lives and stirring it with his little finger and laughing. Now I know that may sound silly ... it's just this feeling that I have. Nick, Rich and I fasted this weekend and it's like ... voila ... hell hath come for a visit!

I know that all this seems silly and trivial and I sound like a superficial blowhard ... I'm just venting ... I love my babies ... I love my friends ... I am happier than I have been in a while on one hand ... but on the other ... I feel like our lives are just being ... whipped into a frenzy because of our recent stands on spiritual things and frankly ... I'm losing my wind ... AND it's just too early in the -game- for me to be winded. I can think of a thousand things I am doing wrong or not doing enough of ... but in the end ... right now I'm just tired ...

love you guys!